slowly, then all at once

9.07.2012





I felt it today. The sky hung so low and thick it was almost suffocating, and carried in wisps on the breeze, I heard her whisper. "I'm coming," she breathed, and just like that the temperature dropped and the clouds grew darker. I listened intently, feeling the wind blow on my face. When she finally comes, we gladly give up our games and carefree lives of leisure, only to realize it's January first, cold and miserable and gray, and we desperately wish summer were here again and regret the easiness with which we gave those things up. But Autumn is an unstoppable force and cannot be pleaded or bargained with.
Now the drops are falling heavy, purposefully; I propped my window open earlier and the curtains are swaying and billowing soundlessly. I want to write more about the rain, but then I come across this bit in Sylvia Plath's journal: "It is raining. I am tempted to write a poem. But I remember what it said on one rejection slip: after a heavy rainfall, poems titled RAIN pour in from across the nation." I will be content to listen instead.
It's comforting, listening to the rain through the window. I rearranged my room today and it feels so much cozier and lovely. It started with the curtains; I've been meaning to put them up since May but it was only crossed off the todo list today. While I was putting them up, I realized I couldn't stop with just the curtains--one quote from John Green's The Fault in Our Stars (which I started last night and am almost finished with) keeps running through my mind: "I fell in love with the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once." But it's applicable in many ways more than just sleep--like my curtains. First one step slowly, then everything else all at once. Autumn, too. The dog days of summer follow in slow, sticky succession and you think relief will never come, until one day there's a break in the heat and the next day it's a little cooler until suddenly fall surrounds you wherever you go. Slowly, then all at once. In some way or another, maybe that's the pattern of life.

34 comments:

  1. Your words friend are ever so lovely.

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  2. I love those kind of days, aren't they the best?

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  3. i'm dead. literally crying. this makes me sad and happy and nostaglic and now i should probably read sylvia path. so yeah. you're cool.

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  4. this is refreshing. i don't know, it just inspires me. and i've been wanting to read The Fault in Our Stars. is it good?

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  5. this makes me homesick for rain. alex told me yesterday that it's been raining constantly for the past two weeks, and i miss that. i miss the thunderstorms keeping me up at night, the grey hitting the living room window, the way the shadows made the sky gold and misty after the storm passed over and the sun started to set.

    so yeah, homesick, but overwhelmed by the beauty of your writing. can't wait to skype tomorrow.

    love you.

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  6. First, The Fault in Our Stars is literally one of the best books I've ever read. Just wait until you get to the end! It's just ... brilliant. I have no other words. But there were tears.

    Second, this post is amazing. I love the way you effortlessly spoke of different things and still tied them together. The imagery is perfect. And I agree with you about the rain and the comfort it brings. It's been storming like crazy in Pennsylvania and I've been loving it.

    Anyway, I hope you never cease writing. You really are inspiring! :) Have a great weekend, Carlotta!

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  7. great writing and lovely photos. such an inspiration. keep it up :)

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  8. Beautiful words to express your thoughts on Autumn's coming. Very lovely, Carlotta! :)

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  9. OHMYFREAKINGGOD Are you a nerdfighter? I love John Green!

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  10. hey, girl. I read this post and then I fell into the black hole that is the archive and ended up reading some of your older entries. and I just wanted to say...you're cool.

    and also, that I wish it would rain here! we're supposed to get a cool front tomorrow, but for us that means a high of only 91 degrees. woot woot? I'm ready for fall to come, slowly, or all at once.

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  11. Oh, Carlotta. If I could drink words, I'd want to drink yours! Ever so lovely.

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  12. this... this... just, this. It makes me want to cry, drink something hot, wear a sweater, and read a book. I love you.

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  13. my goodness. tears. your words are absolutely beautiful. they are the perfect combination of the beauty of rain, sylvia plath, and the first book that made me sob uncontrollably. incredible. xo

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  14. oh gee you're so amazing. your words are woven in a way that just kinda blows my mind sometimes.

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  15. your photos and words are just beautiful. once again, lovely post. x

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  16. These words and these photos... so beautiful.

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  17. can you give a tour of your newly arranged room?

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  18. 'Slowly, then all at once'.

    Yes, it definitely rings with a bit of good philosophy. Your words are so lovely, Carlotta.

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  19. Oh my gosh those words were just...gahh! I wish I could even begin to write as close to as good as that and your pictures are perfect as usual. You are such an inspiration thanks for sharing!

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  20. Yes. Yes to Sylvia Plath, yes to John Green, and yes to all of these lovely words.

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  21. yes, yes, yes. I totally agree. I only wish life wouldn't breeze by so fast, you know? I feel like days are just slipping through my fingertips...

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  22. Sylvia Plath is brilliant. It feels weird to say that about such strongly emotional words written by such a deeply depressed person. It shouldn't be something that I find beautiful. But in a terrible way, it is. Have you read The Bell Jar? You should. Just, find the right day for it, a good day when you can hold yourself together and when you've got family with you. Otherwise it might break you.

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  23. Your posts are always so beautiful...love them

    http://www.etsy.com/shop/HannahEverly

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  24. this was beautiful, lady. my heart jumped a bit reading that. (and p.s, Slyvia Plath is genius. I'm getting her journals as soon as I can.)

    xx.
    k

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  25. beautiful, carlotta. just beautiful.
    that quote. got to get me that book asap.

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  26. This was so beautifully written. Thanks for sharing this, Carlotta. Things like this makes me so happy.
    -Gabby

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  27. I love the way you write, Carlotta. This is awesome. :)

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  28. i'm so happy our autumn is on its way out and the sun is coming back!

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  29. This is so beautiful. And I love how all the photos go together so perfectly.

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  30. That is one of my favorite lines from the entire book. I get so excited when anyone reads it.
    This was so beautifully written.

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  31. So beautiful.
    Sounds like I need to read that book :)

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  32. You are simply a brillant blogger. Yoru words ae magic. Your pictures are so simple, but so beautiful. You have no idea the way you inspire me and so many others. Thank you for sharing pieces of your lovely story with us all

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