I was going to write about our weekend trip, about how even though I'm terrified of rollercoasters, I rode one six times in a row with my hands up all the way up; about how I slept on an air mattress in a walk-in closet; about how I got to visit Emma and Elsie's gorgeous shop, Red Velvet, on the way back home. But after several failed attempts at writing about it, I couldn't bring myself to do it because there are more important things to be addressed. It is not my intent to be melodramatic or a drama queen, but this is a subject that's been weighing heavily on my heart.
Over the past few weeks, I've had quite a few people asking me if I ever had bad days or times when life seems anything but perfect. The other day, I found this question in my ask box on tumblr:
"I'm going to ask you something and I don't want to seem discouraging or negative. Okay? Take this as a question/some advice from a longtime follower. As a few other people have mentioned recently, your life seems perfect. We know that's not true, but to read the blog, it would certainly seem so. I would love to see more of the real Carlotta. Reading about a perfect life all the time is like a too-sweet dessert--good for the 1st bite, not so much after that. Could we see more of the real you please?"
Though I've written a bit on the subject before, instead of responding to it directly on tumblr, I thought I'd answer it here instead.
When bad days happen, I keep silent about them on the internet. This isn't because I don't want to be "real", but because I don't need or want to throw myself a public pity party...and there are some things that I'd just like to keep private. I don't pretend to lead a perfect life or try to make it look like I do. I blog when I'm inspired, and I'm most inspired when life is going well. When things inevitably go awry, I vent to my diary and cry myself to sleep and try to put on a brave face in the morning.
However, I wanted to let you all know that there is another side to me. I'll admit, sometimes I feel like I'm living a double life, and that gets tiring. But that doesn't mean that what I write here isn't the "real" me. I love being a blogger. I could not survive without taking photographs, writing pretty paragraphs, and having the chance to be creative and sharing it with you all. Though not intentionally, I'm simply a bit different when I write than when I talk and interact with people face to face.
This is why it may seem that I'm not being "real" enough, but I'd like for you to know a little bit more about the other side of me.
I'm shy in groups of people and blush easily. I've never been the popular one, but the friends I have are the best a girl could ask for. Cloudy weather depresses me, I don't like cupcakes, and I'm a bit (okay, a lot) of a grammar nazi. I over-think everything and have the unfortunate ability to think myself straight into depression. I can't wait to be done with my teenage years and spend nights crying into my pillow because I feel so lost and empty. Tuesdays are my least favorite day and I live for the weekends. I love to be creative but often get stuck in ruts. I compare myself to others too much and I am envious of other people's lives far too often. I don't eat as healthy as I should and struggle with my self-image. My right ear sticks out more than my left and it is the bane of my existence. I have a terrible habit of biting and picking at my cuticles until they bleed. My family is my everything and I cry too easily. And when the workload piles too high, my mood is down, and I can't seem to do anything right, I have bad days too.
it's okay, i'm the exact same way. i admit, though, i'm a lot more open on my blog, but i know how you feel and i've done the same a lot myself.
ReplyDeletebut then, you don't like cupcakes? that's just wrong. ;)
this was really beautiful. it's not a pity party - it's letting people know that you are genuinely human and that sometimes you cry into your pillow and sometimes you feel depressed and you're shy in large groups of people. you're fantastic, Carlotta. (:
ReplyDeleteYou're beautiful, Carlotta :) And an absolutely wonderful person.
ReplyDeletethe beauty of blogging is that it gives us a space to celebrate the small and beautiful things with a community of friends who are like kindred spirits. everyone has bad days, sweet lady, but it makes me sad that you're having to deal with being called out about being your life being "too perfect" or you being "not real enough." your decision to highlight and write about the good vs. the bad says more about your character than if you constantly inundated people with what went wrong. there is a beauty in seeing the magic of simple days, simple moments, and capturing it, and that is something that you are very good at. keep your chin up, love. hopefully this tuesday is somehow a new best day ever.
ReplyDeleteps. if you saw how much sugar i eat, you'd be embarrassed for me.
pps. love you lots. can't wait for your letter. :)
ppps. BIEBS OUT.
Her ps is the same as mine.. It's rather embarrassing.
Delete^ I'm with Elisha ;) Sour candy has me in chains.
DeleteCANDY PRISON. WE ALL MUST GO.
Deleteawesome. you did super well there, carlotta. I agree, sharing all of one's troubles on the internet is lame, but being real is something that is SO good. I adore your creative pieces, because you can see that it's your creativity really pouring out, but this? this was GOOD, sister.
ReplyDeleteI love REAL bloggers. I don't like a ton of bloggers who post about their lives, just because it can be boring sometimes. But I do make an exception for some bloggers -- you included. I like to see people who aren't afraid to tell what's really happening, and admit their life does have flaws. I'm shy sometimes myself, although I don't like to admit it.
ReplyDeletexoxo pretty girl!
i try my best to be real and need to work on that more. thank you for this/ ( and that last part.. so me. even the cuticles. i do hate that nervous habit. )
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I, too, had tiny thoughts of "she's perfect and she lives a perfect life" seeping into my mind, though I knew it wasn't true. I'm not saying you aren't beautiful and lovely and amazing and encouraging and inspiring, because, and I think I speak for every 1,510 of your followers: you are. But I kept thinking, selfishly, that you were perfect and nothing ever went wrong. That's not true for anyone. I think it's important to be optimistic and not focus on the bad things, but even while trying, things go wrong and we have bad days.
ReplyDeleteNever have I wanted to share my bad side with people - it's hard for me, as I struggle largely with what other people think of me. But though I want to be real, I want my blog to encourage, not depress. I want to show the real side of me while keeping things that shouldn't be made public away from the public. I think it's important to not sugar-coat everything and make it sound like you have a perfect life, when really, you don't. (I meant the word 'you' there to be any person, I'm not talking about you specifically, Carlotta.) :-)
I took that thought and went wild, sorry about that. I don't even know that I knew where I was going, or even if I had any direction. Hah. But you are amazing, don't forget that. Of course you have bad days, and I respect you for being able to say that. :-)
I guess what I'm trying to say is - thank you for not being perfect.
ditto
Deletethis was, basically, my thoughts exactly =) i couldn't agree with you more. well done, carlotta. xo
ReplyDeleteI like the real carlotta, the one we read about all the time. Bloggers sometimes get caught up in wanting more of you but I'm quite content with what you give. Thank you, though, as it is refreshing to know this side of you does exist.
ReplyDeletewhat she said.
DeleteI love hearing this! It's so inspiring to hear YOU and that you have rough days! I love love love your little blog! Hey, My name is Brielle and i'm from Vancouver, BC (best place ever) i'm 15 and i am, well i think maybe your clone, other than looks. You taste in photographey, and just all your pics on tumblr ahhh seriously i looked at every picture and kept saying yep i would tag that one, and that one and for sure repost that one! I''m so glad i found your blog, as it is so nice to have a girl, around my age, that is a christian (as am i ) and loves pictures! You just found yourslef a new follower!
ReplyDeleteDear Carlotta,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post it made me realize that this was something that I needed to hear. Lately I've been feeling that I'm not showing enough of my real self on my blog, but yet like you said, I don't want to make people sorry for me because of the problems that I have in life. By reading other people's comments on your post, I think we have the same idea when it comes to being real in the blogging community.
You may or may not care what I have to say since I'm not a very popular blogger myself, but I'm glad that you took the time to write and share this post with us. Thank-you. :)
Blessings,
~Nela
I think that while being the real you is important, I still love the way you post on here. It's very inspiring, and it's how I want to sound, and how I want my pictures to look. So good job, and keep it up. I hope we'll hear about your weekend trip soon!
ReplyDeleteHave a great week!
Abby :D
ps. i don't like cupcakes or roller coasters either. :)
I noticed you were getting a lot of these questions on tumbr lately ;) I liked this post. I love your blog and your posts, but I'm glad I got to see moer of the real you :) great post Carlotta ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI think that the beauty in blogging is that you can choose what you do and don't want to share, and while yes, sometimes it isn't realistic to write about only the good, it's also a choice that every blogger makes. Everyone has bad days, and everyone should realize that, but choosing to post about the good rather than bad is completely your choice.
ReplyDeleteSo I'll admit, I've kinda been hoping for something like this. I agree with the person who asked the question: sometimes it does seem that your life is perfect. And yet, I understand about not wanting to throw a public pity party. I mean, no one wants to read about all the bad things I could say about myself. They just want me to be real. And we just want you to be real. To let down your guard a little and let us see you the way you really are. And this post really did that for me. :) Also, this may (or may not) be encouraging to you: I bite my nails. And rain makes me feel sad. I'm really shy (as in I only speak when I'm spoken to) to people I don't know, but I can say anything to my best friends. Too much work freaks me out and I have to organize everything before I can begin to think.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I think you're really a dear for posting this. <3
Hugs,
~bree
I know, it seems like bloggers can't win - if they post about their bad days and personal struggles, their readers rip into them for being whiny and complaining too much. But if they only post about good days, people complain that they're 'not being real' and not showing their true selves. Don't stress too much about it, Carlotta, I like your posts just fine. :)
ReplyDeleteI cry too easily also - I hate it. :P
this is awesome. like, really and truly awesome. keep doing what you do. it's inspirational and beautiful and I loved seeing another side of you today. =) xo
ReplyDeleteit sounds creepy, but sometimes it's good to see the deep dark "real" side of someone, the nitty gritty moments. but I also totally agree with you, that those moments are not always for the blog. and while it's possible that some people think that equates to leading a double life, it's not really (since when did real equal bad/sad?). I'm way more dramatic in my head than I am in real life (overthinking for the wiiiiin) and that comes out when I write. heck, the times my brother has read my blog (all of three times in his life probably), he comes to me saying, "where did you copy and paste this from? this is too deep. you're not this deep!" hahah, thanks bud.
ReplyDeletethere are times when I find myself frankly incapable of blogging because there's too much going on that is impossible to share on the blog, and yet it sounds so strange and trite and wrong to just say "well there's been some rough things happening but no big deal" because it IS a big deal. but, maybe something to share with your best friend or your mom or your journal. and those times, it feels best to wait till you can write something inspiring again so that the whole world doesn't have to deal with your issues.
ANYWAY. all that to say, keep it up. do what you want. do what you do. it's entirely possible to be both inspiring AND real. and girl. girl. I've just got one more thing. I don't care about your crying or your ears or your eating habits or your shyness--you are so so SO talented, and just plain true blue, drop dead gorgeous. I would not lie to you.
*hugs*
Jenn
This was such a beautifully written post Carlotta. I sometimes look at all of the blogs around me and feel like everybody has it together except for me. I know that's not true, but sometimes it seems like other peoples lives are perfect. This post was really inspiring and refreshing to hear. Carlotta, you're a beautiful person, thank you for writing this.
ReplyDelete~Em
This is exactly what I needed to read today. While adoring your blog, I sometimes find myself thinking, "Why don't I have a life like hers? What does she have that I don't that makes her so creative and happy all the time?" It's good to know that you have bad days too. Lately, the "I over-think everything and have the unfortunate ability to think myself straight into depression," is exactly what I've been experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to agree with you on the Tuesday thing. Terrible Tuesdays have tortured me for years.
So I think we're the same person and it scares me. Even down to being home schooled pastor's daughters.
ReplyDeleteLove those shoes!
Very well said, Carlotta! you are mature beyond your years. We all have our bad days, even when it seems like people don't! Love you lots & your blog is lovely!
ReplyDeleteXxoxoxoxoxox
I agree with Hannah and Jenn up there. I've been reading your blog for quite some time now and you've inspired me ever since I began. So what if you don't share your down days? You have your reasons and quite honestly, anyone can do that--dwell on the negative. In fact, people will always find someone else to validate their negative feelings rather than their positive feelings. If you don't choose to do that, good for you, Carlotta. Sincerely and truly. I admire that. I'm 25 and I still haven't learned to do that completely. What Hannah said about character is so true. You have decided to focus on the good, and to try to encourage and inspire people by sharing the positive. I have never seen a single post where you have insinuated that the good moments in your life are attributed to perfection, to entitlement, or anything of the sort. I honestly feel badly that you've received so many of these questions that it has weighed on you so much. That isn't fair. One thing I've learned though is that we cannot please everyone. As someone else mentioned, there will be people to pick you apart no matter what you write about. It's human nature, though unfortunate. At the end of the day, we are all dealt different cards and it's what we choose to do with them that count. If you want to continue focusing on the positive on this blog, do that. It's your right, and to be honest, I think that if you were to change who you were and how you wrote, your readers would miss what they are getting right now, because you really are just a beautiful person.
ReplyDeleteThe Hintz crew loves the real Carlotta, here on your blog and the crazy gal we get to hang out late at night with... I think my ears are uneven... one sticks up higher than the other and my glasses then are always tilted... is that weird:):) Have a super day!!:):)
ReplyDeleteI really don't get that kind of people who always blame blogger for "not being real enough". Isn't it totally obvious and cristall-clear that nobody wants to post about bad feelings and grey days?! I mean, so many of us have pointed that out already a dozen times and more - so many of us want to keep their blogs positive. So why the heck are there people out there who want to read about the bad things?! I don't get it...
ReplyDeleteKeep up the way you've blogged up to now - I really loved it. :)
Have a great week. xo.
the delicate, decided and truthful way you've expressed yourself on this matter is so good carlotta. thank you for explaining so well...you're a lovely young woman :)
ReplyDeletexo
Wonderful post, Carlotta. Personally the thought that you lead a perfect life never crossed my mind - because I know it's not true for anyone, I know that your blog is a place where you share the beautiful things in your life and the things that truly matter. I'm glad you don't throw public pity parties :)
ReplyDeletethanks for being willing to share your struggles with your readers without, as you said, throwing a "public pity party." that's a very good thing. :) your posts are always so beautiful, and it makes sense that you would be most inspired on your good days. :) so, I'm not saying you do this, but don't change yourself or the way you blog just to sound more "real." :)
ReplyDeleteand for the record, I could identify with almost everything you put in that last paragraph, except perhaps the ears and the cuticles (but to make up for that, I think my nose is too big, and I bite my fingernails until my fingers hurt like nobody's business). :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm very much like you.. I'm quiet, I blush and I carry a lot when there isn't really a need to. But, God is always true to those that seek Him. ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you post about one of your bad days sometime, I won't think it's a pity party. It's good that you don't want to be that way, though. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a bump on my nose which is the bane of my existence.
I think it's totally okay to not throw a "public pity party" online. Bloggers in the past year are trying to achieve the "real" way of blogging, and if you ask me, they've only gotten sadder. Happiness is real, too.
ReplyDeleteCarlotta, this is a great post! I agree that for the most part, the blogosphere (especially our corner of it), has this kind of weird ruse of perfection. This really reminds me of this post by House of Humble: http://www.houseofhumble.com/2011/11/perfectly-imperfect/
ReplyDeletelike, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. :)
ReplyDeleteCarlotta, I don't know how you do it, but even this post is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI'm also shy in groups, cloudy weather depresses me, I hate that lost/empty feeling, which happens way too often, and I also, compare myself to others, when I shouldn't. You are not alone.
And also, wanted to say that I love your blog just the way that it is. It's a piece of sunshine that I can always rely on... if you decide to post posts like this more often, that will be fine, but if you don't, know that your blog is wonderful just like it is, and don't listen to anyone telling you otherwise. I hope that you continue blogging/writing for a long, long time, because, clearly, it's what you were made to do.
A long time follower/fan
-Bethany
Carlotta,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good post. So many times it's hard to log onto blogger and see everything beautiful in other people's lives, the things that are amazing and wonderful to display, without feeling this sense of "Wow, I don't have it together at all".
You're right though, inspiration comes out when you're happy and there isn't much point in spewing sadness around the internet. Kudos to you for choosing to focus on the good things.
I hate Tuesdays too.
Peace,
Jillian
I'm just the opposite. I write when I'm down and live when I'm up. People think that I'm always negative and I am (if they only know me by what they read).
ReplyDeleteI've always written when I was blue. For years I wrote in journals. They were my prayers. The place where I poured out my heart to the Lord until the hurt was all gone and peace flooded my soul (my mind, will and emotions).
Many years of loss and emotional struggle culminated 4 years ago in what I call my "perfect storm". Since then my faith has faltered. I don't journal. I don't read or craft or do anything I used to do. But I do write. I write to survive.
There is so much more to all of us than what we show the world. Those who know us best know this truth and we have nothing to prove to them or to anyone.
Everyone hurts. Everyone struggles. We just show it differently.
Keep positive. Keep posting. It's an encoragement for this negative nellie :)
Elle @ The Music In My Heart @ blogspot.
I love this post. I do the exact same thing on my blog. When life is going pretty well I am inspired and want to write about what is good in life; but when I have a bad day I am not feeling inspired and I don't want to throw a public pity party either. This year though I have really felt that the Lord wanted to use some of my health problems to help other people through my blog. It has been hard to post about my health and bad days, and I don't do it often, but I find that those posts about my bad days have helped some of my followers which makes it worth it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
~Rachel Keeth // Lavender And Honey
i admire you, carlotta. you're such a beautiful girl, inside and out, and your writing shows it. i love how raw and real this post is, and how raw and real every other post of yours is. you pretty much rock. :)
ReplyDeletegreat post, Carlotta. I love your honesty, and it's great to hear more from you. I know what you mean about wanting your blog to be a happy place, but I think that sometimes we can help others to learn from our mistakes and hard times. Every girl has insecurities, and I'm sure that the people that admire them and respect them could find a billion things that are beautiful about them. I'm sure your friends love you, just the way you are. Keep going, girl.
ReplyDelete-Carli
I've been reading your blog for a while, but, like you, I'm a bit shy, and I was too scared to comment. I know that being a teenager is hard. I can definitely empathize with you.
ReplyDeleteYou are a lovely girl who has been blessed with a gift for writing, creating beauty,and inspiring people. Keep at it.
-Elizabeth
Blogging isn't journalling and I will say I do hate when people post all about their bad feelings all the time. I personally love reading your blog because it does celebrate life and not foucs on the bad things. All people have good days and bad days and I never thought once, "Wow, she is happy all the time!" Because we all know blogging only captures 10% of our real lives, so I think it's best to capture the best 10%.
ReplyDeleteKeep being the blogger you are! I've been following you for two years and I swear I'll keep reading always.
Agreed.
DeleteAmen!
DeleteEvery one of us has bad days, just believe, there are always good day in front.
ReplyDeleteI like this. :) I agree with everything. I often think that I don't share enough of my life on my blog, but I don't really like to have people know my thoughts... I like to keep them to myself. and don't worry, you are not alone when you say that you are shy, worried about your self-image, and not the popular one... Again, great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI love your blog so much Carlotta! Don't let anyone make you feel down! I always enjoy reading and browsing through your inspiring posts! I'm glad you don't always write on your blog about what has been bad about your day, we all have bad days. Your blog inspires me to have awesome happy days! That's what blogs are for, and for making and recording memories. :)
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this. All you're little issues oh my gosh I have the SAME ones. Its crazy. Life is hard. And on days like those when clouds seem to mask the pretty sun sets and inspiration is basically gone...sometimes those are the days when I come to your blog and find something positive, inspiring. Its not wrong to blog when you're inspired or positive. It helps people. It helps me. And the real you, reading about your also issues helps people. It helps me. You are amazing gorgeous inside and out. Thank you for being you.
ReplyDelete~Alina
I like this Carlotta. I feel a lot of the same things and I'm a grammar Nazi too! You're posts are always so inspiring and your photos make me want to live simply. Amazing post!
ReplyDelete~Tessa Brooke
i appreciate you sharing this.
ReplyDeleteright there with you, sister.