good thing I didn't call the police (and other december happenings)

12.17.2013



Did I ever tell you the story of how I was nearly killed by a robber the other night? No? Well then, pull up a chair, let me tell it to you.

It was a dark Wednesday night, the eve of a snowstorm. Isn't that when bad things always happen? At night in the middle of the week with an impending snowstorm? Anyway, I came home from school as usual and let myself in the house and dumped my backpack, purse, and coat on the bench in the dining room as usual (oops, sorry Mom) and sat down on the dining room floor to pet my dog.

And then I heard the sunroom door open in my parent's room.

(There's a sunroom - an enclosed porch, really - off to the side of my house. There's a door to the backyard, and doors to both my parents' room and my brother's room.)

It came across loud and clear to my dog too, because he ran in there barking - and then limped back whimpering, the fur on his neck raised. I freaked out because, among other things, he's afraid of strange men, and so I very rationally concluded that there was a strange man at the sunroom door because, duh, my 60-pound Labrador was trying to hide behind me.

Do you know how scary it is to be at home alone - AT NIGHT - and then hear a door open while your large dog offers no assistance? It's scary, let me tell you.

I scrambled into the living room and searched frantically for a weapon. Can you imagine? Me! Looking for a weapon to wield! Well, what's a girl supposed to do when she suspects she's being robbed? If I'm gonna get robbed, I'm gonna go down fighting, by George!

The weapon idea was quickly abandoned when I couldn't unearth anything more lethal than a rolled up newspaper and a couch pillow. Briefly, I considered calling the police, but dismissed it when I realized my phone was in the dining room and therefore too close to the alleged robber.

So, I decided that my best bet - if my house was, at that very moment, being forcibly entered - was to get the heck out of there.

I hotfooted it over to my neighbor and desperately rapped on her door, then stood there like a blathering idiot because I THINK MY HOUSE IS GETTING ROBBED WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AHHHH. You know. That sort of thing.

Together we went back to my house and peered into the sunroom from the outside - nothing. We cautiously tip-toed into the house and into my parents' bedroom - still nothing. Poked around the rest of the house - nothing either.

Unable to find any evidence of the would-be burglar, my neighbor left and I curled up next to my dog, phone securely in hand in case Robber Boy decided to show up again (I'd since mustered up the courage to retrieve it from the dining room).

When my family got home, Operation Find-Out-Who-Opened-The-Door was immediately in full effect and...

...turns out Robber Boy was a raccoon. A raccoon! He'd crawled in through the cat door and leaned up against the door, pushing it slightly open, shaving a solid five years off my life.

I should probably be thankful that I didn't get around to calling the police - can't you just see the headline? "Girl, 17, Thinks She Is Being Robbed And Dials 911 Only To Discover Robber Is Raccoon." Kevin in Home Alone made defending his home from the Wet Bandits seem like a walk in the park, while little ol' me was unable to keep herself from panicking over a freakin' raccoon. Good grief.

Oh! Speaking of Christmas movies, we got our tree, see? It's pretty. (Also I just took this photo three minutes ago from where I'm sitting on the couch typing this, please be proud of me)



I must confess: we didn't actually buy our tree from the place pictured below. We're Lowe's Home and Garden section Christmas tree kinda people. But when you're running errands and drive past a quiet little Christmas tree lot, well...what's a girl gonna do?



You know how Buddy the Elf says that "the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear?" Well, it's true. I went caroling in a nursing home with a couple friends on Sunday and even though I am no singer, there is something incredibly sacred about singing Christmas carols. I might have cried on the last verse of Silent Night? Gets me every time.

Happiest of Decembers to you all!

25 comments:

  1. okay, so i'm sitting here laughing at your 'robber' adventures. but hey, it happens. once i freaked out when i was home alone (at night. did i mention i was home alone?), and my cat was trying to crawl in my window, through the screen. i - i may have freaked out a little bit. i found an umbrella to wield, and was only to glad i didn't bash my poor cat in the head once i discovered it was him. oops. ;)

    but this is oh-so lovely. your writing is so full of life, and cheer, and happiness, and it just makes me really happy. also, your tree is lovely, and you have the cutest siblings evah, like how.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, that story is crazy (and entertaining, I must admit). I would have been so, so scared!

    In other words, beautiful tree! Gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this! Your story made me think of an interesting get-to-know-your-friends question: if you were home alone and thought you were being robbed, what kind of weapon would you find and how would you use it? ;)

    Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hearing unexpected noises when you're home alone in the dark is always terrifying!
    I love singing too, I'm in a gospel choir and we had our big Christmas concert last weekend which was so lovely
    http://ahandfulofhope.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  5. haha,
    i would be freak out too if i were you. but, things like that always make good stories.

    ReplyDelete
  6. so funny! you have awesome writing skills, i was completely engrossed with your story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Girl, I don't blame you for being scared. I would have been scared too! ^_^ hehe Your story made me laugh though. Thanks for sharing. Your writing is always such a joy to read.

    Many blessings to you!!

    -Madi

    ReplyDelete
  8. haha, wow carlotta. ;) love this! x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your "robber" story cracked me up. :) I have similar experiences, except I was the mistaken "robber" and nearly got hit in the head with a golf club! If you want my advice, high heeled shoes are a pretty handy weapon - as are sewing pedals...

    ReplyDelete
  10. You don't even know how much this post made me smile; I desperately wish I could comment for every one who read your post and decided not to comment! This post deserves 893,873 likes.

    xo Merry Christmas!


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm gonna second that. This post SO deserves 893,873 likes.

      Delete
  11. ahahaha! girl, i would've done the saaaameee thing. :P

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think this is one of the best home-alone stories ever! I probably would've done something similar- but knowing myself I would've freaked out and called 911. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG that is hilarious and terrifying at the same time! So glad it was just a raccoon! I love your christmas tree! Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  14. literally can't stop laughing…ohmyword.

    ReplyDelete
  15. bahaha, that's hilarious! and your photos... totally rad.

    ReplyDelete
  16. raccoons are crazy. seriously. I had two chase me across my front porch the other night!

    ReplyDelete
  17. oh my gosh!! That's pretty funny...I'm glad it was only a raccoon! Also, that picture of your Christmas tree is so beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  18. oh my - i'm sure it was not amusing at. all. at the actual time...but i adore how you wrote this out! it had me literally giggling - i can so relate. one of those things that you laugh about later:) and stories of almost-kidnappings and animals in the home are such a good conversation starter...just sayin' :) have a beautiful december!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dude. Wow. I applaud you. *applause*

    ReplyDelete
  20. I laughed probably a little too hard at this story. But seriously. It cracked me up. And I would probably do the same thing as you... because my mind always goes to the worst case scenario. But at least you have a great story now, right? :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Buahahaha! Oh, Carlotta. This is the best robber story. *insert hysterical laughter* Merry merry Christmas to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I just found your blog, and that was the best story in the world! Can't stop laughing, love your "robber". Btw, your pictures are amazing.
    Kelsi
    http://theofficialblogofkelsib.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

Comments make me happy.

Followers

archive

just a note

EVERYTHING ON THIS BLOG IS OWNED AND CREATED BY CARLOTTA CISTERNAS UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. IF YOU'D LIKE TO USE OR REPUBLISH ANYTHING, PLEASE ASK FOR PERMISSION. STEALING ISN'T NICE. / FLOWER IMAGE VIA TONIC SITE SHOP