pastor's girl's ponderings

in the afternoon

2012-01-27T18:52:00.001-06:00

I spent the afternoon journaling, sipping coffee, eating ice cream, and gardening. The weather has been so unseasonably warm this year -- but I'm not complaining. It's rather nice not having to worry about bundling up. And as for journaling, that's something I've started this week. I've always kept a diary, and I regularly fill up notebooks with my writing, but I intend to make this new journal visually appealing as well. I like sitting down in the afternoon to fill blank pages with quotes and song lyrics and blackout poems and short stories.

Do you journal?

ps i caved and got a formspring account...ask away, loves!

we went globetrotting.

2012-01-24T14:25:00.001-06:00

I've spent the past four days surrounded by snowy vineyards, forests with impossibly tall trees, and wonderfully foggy lakes. I flew thirty-two thousand feet above the earth, took photographs in the cold until my fingers throbbed, and laughed until my sides ached. I experienced new things, met new people...and fell blissfully in love with a new country.

My dad was invited to be a keynote speaker at a conference in Canada, near Niagara Falls, and I jumped at the opportunity to come along (oh, the perks of being a pastor's daughter, ha!). It was such an adventure, and I never expected to fall so utterly in love with this gorgeous country, especially when it was blanketed by a fresh layer of snow.

I'm home now. Yes, it's nice to be back in my own bed and surrounded by family, but there is a part of me that misses Canada so. I'm a bit reluctant to get back into the daily grind of life, though I suppose all good things must come to an end. But the memories we made will be unforgettable and I feel crazy blessed to have these new experiences.

Canada? I'm coming back. Promise.

wallflower

2012-01-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

[photos from my trip to paris]

Sometimes, I dream about moving to a foreign city, with hidden streets and secrets woven into the plaster. I intertwine my fantasy with the memories of Europe I have tucked away in my mind. Slipping in and out of shops and wandering the cobblestoned paths with no particular destination. Walking about, seeing but not being seen; just watching the masses of people going about their daily business. People fascinate me.
My favorite cafe in Paris is the one in Montmartre, the pastries and breads lined up artfully behind the shiny glass. Sitting at a little table with a buttery, flaky pain au chocolat and frothy cafe au lait, I'd rest my feet and record my observations. I'd gather up my notebook and camera to explore and wander some more, then head back to my little flat to sit on the roof and watch the sun set, only to repeat it all over again the next day.

It sounds terribly romantic, does it? Simply being an observer of life? Because sometimes being a wallflower in a bustling city sounds so tempting.

things to be happy about, v.ii

2012-01-17T17:18:00.002-06:00

[sweater: target / dress: target / scarf: unknown / belt: thrifted / tights: forever21]

I got this crazy notion in my head to build a wooden backdrop for my photography out of an old pallet. Over the course of a few days, Jeremiah and I (but mainly J) pieced together exactly what I had in mind -- all without instructions or splinters. A brother that builds things for you...what's not to love?

On a side note, I don't have much of a green thumb, but my little succulent is thriving marvelously. I feel like a proud mama.

Continuing the things to be happy about list, here's installment two.

that sweet relieving feeling of being all done with exams // 77 degree weather and tomatoes from the garden in january (yes really) // the excitement of packing for a trip // that state of mourning you enter when you finish a good book // sweater tights // planning for summer // the knowledge that God has a plan // being productive // salted caramel hot chocolate at starbucks // brothers that help you with your crazy ideas

What are some things you're happy about?

much love.

snow blanket

2012-01-13T15:53:00.003-06:00

It fell. I stood there at the window, curtains parted, and watched as it fell in big, soft, powdery flakes. The snow drifted lazily down to the earth and blanketed the grass and trees and bushes. It was beautiful. There's something magical about the first snow, exciting and cozy and happy all rolled into one. I like waking up to an enchanted world the next morning, seeing the world transformed from drab greys and browns to sparkling white.

It's almost a sacred event, being the first to make footprints in that stunning, smooth, untouched layer in a quiet, muffled world. Sometimes I feel guilty about ruining it, but feeling the satisfying crunch-crunch underfoot, breath swirling about my head like a wispy cloud...it's worth it. But still, I always retrace my steps exactly, so the rest of the snow is still left pure.

It's all melted now, just a few remnants laying in shady patches. But oh, it was so beautiful while it lasted.

Have you had your first snow yet?

at the moment

2012-01-10T19:25:00.000-06:00

I made cookies today -- because when that chocolate craving strikes, you can't possibly ignore it. An hour, a few spoonfuls of dough, and a mess of a kitchen later, I bit into a warm cookie. The perfectly crackly crust gave way to a soft, chewy interior...and there was much rejoicing in the land. (see the recipe for chocolate chunk cookies)

It's safe to say I've hit that inevitable January slump (which is most likely why I've been consuming so much chocolate). It's only the second week back to class and I'm already wishing for a second Christmas break. I've become a pro at stressing over exams and, consequently, finding ways to evade studying. It's an art, really. Needless to say, I'll be more than relieved once January is over.

In the meantime, though, I'm making due by enjoying the unseasonably warm weather and watching this Lucy Chadwick video over and over. Magical.

floating

2012-01-07T19:18:00.001-06:00

As the shadows lengthened and the sun gently began slipping towards the horizon, we stole to our own little magical world. She blew; a bubble formed and floated onto the leafy, verdant leaves, the sun streaming through the translucent dome until it popped and another took its place. She blew again, coaxing the soapy film on the wand to form a sphere, adding to the others already dancing around her hair. We stayed out in our enchanted garden until the sun, in all its glory, kissed the world goodbye for the day.

Sometimes, I'd give anything to go back to those late summer evenings.

photos taken in september

content to be

2012-01-04T11:12:00.000-06:00

Right now, I am content. It's nothing more than the morning sun streaming through the glass windowpanes, the gurgle and hum of the dishwasher running in the clean kitchen, a nutty piece of chocolate melting on my tongue, and the knowledge that I have a whole day to fill, stretched out before me like a sea of possibility. I think that's why I like mornings so -- the potential to create, work, experience, live. And on this silent, peaceful morning, that's what's I'm reveling in. I rush to the next moment so often, worrying, anticipating, wishing, when all along the quiet, overlooked moments are the ones really worth keeping. I just want to remember this feeling, this minute, this second. Because right now, I am just content to be.

Some photos from lately:

Happy Wednesday, friends.

ps thoughts on the new design? I was itching for a change...also, thank you, thank you, thank you for your wonderful support and feedback in regards to Fernweh. So grateful.

an ache for the distance

2012-01-02T07:00:00.000-06:00

It's made up of wishes and hopes, schemes and dreams, all pulled together by sheer determination and plain hard work. Looking back over the past few months, I'm in disbelief that we actually made it. It's been a whirlwind of excitement and now, it's a reality. That's one thing I love about the internet -- what might seem a crazy idea at first can actually be made manifest. That knowledge that six girls spread across the globe can come together and create something like this, regardless of distance, is astounding.

I'd like to introduce you to Fernweh, an online magazine that celebrates the simple life. Fernweh is a German word -- it literally means farsickness, or an ache for the distance (read our manifesto to learn more about the name). We hope to communicate this feeling to you by our articles, which include fashion, photography, food, and literature. To put it mildly, I'm crazy excited about this. Be sure to check it out and give us your feedback!

Libby, Katie, Abbey, Hannah, Kendall...I love you all so much. And I think we make a pretty great team, no?

Oh, and happy 2012, lovelies. I rang in the new year curled up in bed, reading a book. That has to count for something, right?

xo

this year

2011-12-30T18:15:00.001-06:00

It seems by the alarming lack of calendar spaces that 2011 has nearly slipped by. How can this be? I still find myself thinking it's April -- I'm not entirely sure where the time goes.
This year has been an experience, that's for sure. Just like every year, there were good days and bad days. I learned more about myself and who I am, and have grown so much as a person. I'm leaving this year behind with some regrets, yes, but I'm also leaving it behind with so many warm memories.

This year, I relished each little moment more. Writing become a passion, I found my own little niche in the world, and learned why I blog. I met people through this little thing called blogging that I've grown so close to, and starting exploring more into the world of fashion. I traveled, lots. This summer broke records in terms of heat, but I've never had a season that was so wonderful. I turned another year older...and hopefully another year wiser, too. My sister Alina visited for a month, I scored the best thrifting find of my life and there were early mornings consisting of waffles and rain. I discovered my happy place and launched Red Currant.

2011 was a year of excitement and planning, of discovering and growing as a person. This year wasn't perfect, but every single trial was placed there by God to strengthen my faith. Honestly, looking back? I wouldn't change a thing. My only new year's resolution for 2012 is to live fully and appreciate this life that has been given to me.

How was your 2011? Any new year's resolutions? Do tell!

***
ps I have a few advertisting spots left -- interested in sponsoring pastor's girl's ponderings in the new year? don't hesitate to contact me!

have a cup of cheer

2011-12-27T16:51:00.000-06:00

On Christmas Eve, after the dishes had been washed and put away, the presents wrapped, the fire reduced to embers, we slipped out into the night in a cloud of perfume and fancy clothing. Later, as we stood in a darkened sanctuary at midnight, singing carols by candlelight, I remembered just how much I loved this time of year. I stood there in a silent reverie, soaking in the moment, imprinting it on my mind. And when the service ended, I tucked the memory away, to be opened and unfolded in the future like a comforting quilt.

Christmas was wonderful. It was shrouded in a heart-warming cloak of family, friends and food -- lots of it. The day went as quickly as it came, though. I'm always a bit sad when all the weeks of anticipation are suddenly ended in twenty four short hours. But amidst the piles of wrapping strewn about the living room (all those beautifully wrapped packages laying there in a heap! so sad.), the second and third and fourth helpings of food, the kind of laughter that makes your sides ache, memories were made. And in the end, that's all that really matters.

How was your Christmas, lovelies?

the true meaning

2011-12-23T19:31:00.001-06:00

Christmas has been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. I like the flurry of excitement, the food, the traditions that are wrapped around the season and tied neatly with a bow. But this year...maybe it's because I'm getting older and some of the magic has faded or the fact that time is simply going too quickly, but that little seed of Christmas cheer that's usually planted in the beginning of December just wasn't there this year. Feelings of excitement and joy were replaced with stress and exhaustion -- and the harder I tried to get that cheer, the less I succeeded.
Until I realized something; those things aren't what this time of year is about. It's not about feeling merry and bright -- it's about the quiet anticipation of the birth of our Savior, who humbled himself to be born of a virgin, who died the death of a criminal on a cross. For us. He who is perfectly holy and perfect hung on a cross, for our sins, so that all who believe in him may live in Heaven eternally.

That's what should be on my heart this Christmas, not lamenting the fact that my enthusiasm is missing. And I found, that once I focused on the true meaning, the excitement for December 25th came with it.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, which brings the eleven pm candlelight service, my absolute favorite of the year. I am excited to spend a weekend of family and food, excited to relish in festivities, and most of all, excited to celebrate the birth of our Lord.

And because I can't bear to go without my favorite Christmas video ever...

Merry, merry Christmas, friends.

rainy afternoons

2011-12-20T15:50:00.003-06:00

I know this is cliche, but I really love the rain. I like the way it taps out a melody that says listen to me, the way it makes snuggling up with a blanket and a book that much better, the way it makes the room dark in the middle of the afternoon.

The rain and warmer weather is causing the trees to be all confused -- they're in a strange transitional phase. Some leaves are still green, some brown and crackly, some completely barren, and then there are the ones that are budding. Yes -- budding. Oklahoma seasons are always interesting.

The best way to spend a rainy afternoon is sitting in bed, watching the droplets fall in rapid succession, eating cappuccino cookie dough ice cream (my own invention, thankyouverymuch) and knitting by the glow of the lights strung through my headboard. I probably could have stayed there the rest of the day.

I'm off to go eat a grapefruit sprinkled with sugar. Christmas break is already off to a glorious start.

the sound of silence

2011-12-16T16:19:00.001-06:00

I am constantly surrounded by sound. Music, people's voices, the cars outside, the pitter-patter of rain or the whistle of the wind. And sometimes, the constant stream of noise suddenly crosses that line, switching from enjoyable to unbearable and my head starts to pound. Sometimes, I just need silence.

When I turn everything off and let the quiet slowly descend, wrapping around me like a cloak, it feels as if though I am taking a deep breath. It's a pleasant kind of silence, swirling around me and settling on my shoulders. The quiet washes over me and fills my ears and I can feel myself start to relax.

Maybe it's the unusual weather, or the stress of the past week (finally on christmas break as of yesterday, hallelujah!), but I've been in a pensive, quiet, observant mood lately. Call me anti-social, but lately I've honestly preferred to sit alone with my writing than having to go out and talk to other human beings. I've been writing letters to people that I'll never send, sitting at my desk staring at the slate-grey sky, and unintentionally dressing in rather sober colors (need to get some more color in my winter wardrobe). Winter's kind of depressing sometimes, I have to confess. But for now, I'll try to throw myself into the Christmas spirit and sit in silence and write.

***

ps I'm currently in the process of updating my faq page -- any questions you have that you'd like for me to include? feel free to leave them here or via email. thanks friends!

salted caramel brownies

2011-12-13T18:27:00.001-06:00

There's a certain beauty about the baking process. The way sifted flour creates a thin white powdery layer along the bottom of a shiny metal bowl, or watching chocolate slowly morph into liquid, or the feel of dough in your hands, kneading and shaping. I like how simple ingredients, when combined and mixed and swirled, create something totally different.

Salted caramel is one of my favorite combinations. (my favorite thing at starbucks is the salted caramel mocha. mmm.) The sweet, slightly nutty taste balanced out by sea salt gets me every time. But when this mixture is folded into brownies...hello, heaven just got a little bit closer. The flavors meld together so well, I just close my eyes and savor.

While you could use store-bought caramel, the taste that comes with making your own is so much better. While it may seem daunting, it's really not that difficult at all -- it just takes a watchful eye and a steady arm to stir. It helps to have everything you need already laid out, as once you have the sugar in the pan, everything happens pretty quickly afterwards.

These brownies are pretty dang heavenly, guys. And here's how to make them.

salted caramel brownies

for the brownies:

* 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

* 1 stick (8 tbsp) unsalted butter

* 3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder

* 3 eggs

* 1 cup granulated sugar

* 2 tsp vanilla extract

* 1 cup all-purpose white flour

* 1/2 tsp sea salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and butter an 8-inch square baking pan. In a double boiler (or bowl set over boiling pot of water), melt together the chocolate chips and butter, stirring until smooth. Stir in the cocoa powder and set aside. Whisk together the eggs, vanilla, and sugar until combined. Stir in the melted chocolate, then gently add the flour and stir just until combined. Pour half of the brownie batter in the pan and spoon the caramel sauce until surface is covered. Add the rest of the brownie batter and spread some more sauce until everything is covered. Run a butter knife through the batter to create swirls. Bake until slightly puffed and a inserted toothpick in the center comes out with a few sticky crumbs, about 25 minutes. Cool to room temperature, about 2 hours, and drizzle with extra caramel sauce and sea salt.

For the salted caramel sauce:

(note: this recipe makes enough for two batches of brownies)

* 1 cup granulated sugar

* 6 tsp unsalted butter, room temperature

* 2/3 cup heavy cream

* 1 tsp fine sea salt

Heat the sugar over medium heat in a sauté pan. Whisk as the sugar melts, about five minutes. This burns very quickly -- don't stop stirring! Some sugar will harden into clumps; this is normal. Keep on whisking until the sugar turns a dark amber color. Whisk in the salt and butter all at once and stir until incorporated. Remove pan from heat and add heavy cream (it will foam up when first added). Continue to whisk until you have a smooth sauce.

Enjoy! xo

the christmas tree

2011-12-10T21:45:00.001-06:00

I built a fort today. With sheets, pillows, blankets, and binder clips to hold everything together. It's been years since I've created a little lair for myself, but I like the idea of having a tiny, cozy space away from everything to read, write, and dream in. And now I'm curled up in my nest, relaxing at the end of a busy, productive day.

Yesterday we finally got our Christmas tree. We're always a bit late with these kind of things -- December ninth is actually fairly early for us. We used to live right next to a Christmas tree farm and one of my favorite traditions every year was piling in the truck for the two minute drive to hunt and search for the perfect tree. And afterwards we'd warm up with hot cocoa in the little red house and crunch on peppermint candy canes.

We live in the city now and Home Depot is just that much more convenient and cheaper and closer...but there's something so lovely about going outside in the cold to pick and chop down the tree yourself.

What's your Christmas tree tradition?

things to be happy about, v.i

2011-12-08T22:46:00.000-06:00

I'm giving myself exactly one hour tonight to put together a post. Including formatting and editing photos. Usually my posts are formulated gradually throughout the day; I'm so hyperactive on the internet, jumping from site to site. I'm working on learning the virtue of staying on task, ahem. We'll see how well this goes.

Ready, set, go.

On Wednesdays, I step out of the library exactly at twilight. The colors blend and fade together seamlessly, forming hues I can't even begin to describe and creating a background for a sliver of moon. I just stand there and take it all in, feeling impossibly small against the vastness. The sky is one of those things that's taken for granted far too often. The sun rises in flaming brilliancy each day, swirling and blending crimson and sherbet and magenta and slips below the horizon at dusk only to repeat its cycle the next day. It's a comforting thought, that it's ever-constant, rising and setting even if no one watches.

Inspired by the book 14,000 Things To Be Happy About, I'm starting a whenever-I-feel-like-it series called none other than Things To Be Happy About. Just a list of things to be happy about, big or small. Here's the first one.

the sun streaming through the windows, settling in warm pools of light and seeping through cracks and crevices // comforting a sobbing little girl until her crying slows to hiccups // the way your breath swirls around your head like smoke on a cold day // listening to your favorite song on repeat and not getting tired of it // looking at pictures that bring back happy memories // the knowledge that the dawn of a new day brings a fresh slate // the sky, period

What are some that you're happy about?

ps i have now discovered that it's possible to write a post in forty minutes. awesome.

merry and bright

2011-12-05T18:22:00.004-06:00

Last night, I sat with my brother in his room, armed with bowls of cookie dough and popcorn. We laughed ourselves to death (not literally, thankfully) and swapped stories and discussed silly things. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without Jeremiah. I mean, he thinks I'm funny! That alone already scores big points for him ;) He's my best friend and I can tell him things I wouldn't dare tell anyone else. And he takes dang good outfit pictures for me. I love you, J. So, so much.

[sweater: target / shorts: cut by me, originally from old navy / tights: f21 / shoes: gift]

This weekend was one of winter, friends, dancing around the kitchen, reading, and shopping, of relaxing, ignoring homework until Sunday evening, Christmas decorating and working on an exciting project. And there were lights, everywhere. I wrapped Christmas lights around my headboard, J covered the trees in pretty white lights, and the house is outlined in red bulbs. There was the annual Handel's Messiah Christmas production and cozy nights by the fire and staying up far too late to read "just one more page" (which always turns into five more chapters).

I think that's one of my favorite things about Christmas -- the traditions. With each passing year, the traditions are always repeated, the specials things that come with every frosty night, Christmas song, and steaming cup of cocoa.

As for work, it isn't so bad. Having the knowledge that there's a time of rest and celebrating ahead is reassuring...and everything is a hundred times more merry and bright if it can be done while listening to Christmas music.

december thoughts

2011-12-02T17:45:00.004-06:00

December. I'm not entirely sure where the time goes. The leaves are mostly gone, save for the few stubborn crinkly brown ones, relentlessly holding on despite the wind and cold. We've yet to have snow, but it's been predicted for Monday. Right now, snow is all I want, though I know I'll be ridiculously tired of the cold come January.

inspired by the lovely libby, i started a december daily journal yesterday. one story a day for all of december. i'm excited.

I've never before felt quite like I have this week, and I can't quite pin it down what it is. Nostalgia? Longing? Discontentment? Perhaps this feeling can't be stuffed in one box in an organized fashion. Because emotions are a messy, complicated affair, taking individual happenings and mixing, contorting, stretching them until the heart is left a bit confused. As in, what happened there? Why this? So sudden?
But I think some feelings are indescribable simple because the ingredients that created them haven't all been put together quite like that before. There are familiar, common emotions that have a name and are a given, and then there are those other ones, evoked by the strangest combination of things. These are the ones that can't fit neatly into a category no matter how hard a person tries. And I think that's what makes those feelings indescribable.

The only answer to these emotions is chocolate. Lots and lots chocolate. And Christmas cookies, made huddled around the kitchen table, flour and dough and cookie cutters everywhere, and competitions between the littles to see who can make the most perfect cookies. Four cookie sheets later, we have a pile of buttery, crispy, golden-brown trees, bells, wisemen, and stars.

Hey December? You're pretty cool.

my happy place

2011-11-30T20:52:00.001-06:00

It's gently nestled between rolling hills that rise and fall as easily as breaths. A winding rough dirt trail carved out of nature that leads through meadows and forests and hidden caves, cold spring water trickling through the cracks. And there, peacefully quiet as can be, with views that are something to behold, lies my happy place.

my new sweater and i are already fast friends.

We headed to this perfect little corner of the world spontaneously in the middle of the week and arrived just as autumn was unfurling her last bit of glory, that transition between the full, colorful trees and bare skeletons. As the golden rays of sunlight spilled into every nook and cranny, sifted through the trees, and made the world sparkle, we spent the afternoon wandering, exploring, photographing, climbing, laughing. And as cliche as this sounds, it made me want to run through the fields, hair loose and free, yelling "I love life!". Because despite the hardships, I really truly do.

Where's your happy place?

waffles + rain

2011-11-28T15:24:00.002-06:00

I like Saturdays. Simple, relaxed, cozy -- just how I like it. And when you throw in an early morning, making waffles for the fam with the radio on and rain drumming on the roof? Perfection. I prefer to be alone in the kitchen, mixing, sifting, creating, waiting for the moment when I can open the door and walk out with a steaming platter of goodness. And so I can take photos undisturbed, too, of course ;)

But now it's the beginning of a new week, work and school have resumed after Thanksgiving break, and the quiet loveliness of Saturday is just a distant memory. I'm looking back at photos, counting down the days until Christmas -- just eighteen days until break! -- and listening to Crazy Girl on repeat (in other words, I am such a sap). I love my folk+indie artists, but there's something about country music that gets me every time. I blame my Texas roots.

What's your idea of a perfect Saturday morning?

everyday moments: a collaboration

2011-11-25T15:29:00.003-06:00

I was going to write about how Thanksgiving started off with a bit of a heavy heart for me, how I felt the familiar pang of wishing my family wasn't so strewn about, how I had a meltdown Wednesday evening. But here's the thing -- though preceded by tears and frustration, Thanksgiving this year worked out and even went to become one of my favorites. Maybe we didn't have a house bursting with family and friends, but we had a house bursting with love and thankfulness. So why focus on the bad when I could be focusing on the good?

This Thanksgiving, I was overflowing with gratitude, especially for the wonderful people in my life. I've never been the girl that has myriad of friends, but the friends I do have are so, so dear to me. This past year I've made and strengthened so many relationships in my life and I've had one of the best years to prove it. So instead of rattling off a long-winded list of the many things I'm grateful for, because I could be here forever and a day doing just that, I realized this year just how thankful I am for the wonderful people that support me, cheer me up, listen to me spill out my heart at two in the morning, and still love me even when they've seen just how insane I can get. I'm thankful for every single one of you and honestly can't imagine life without y'all.

. . .

And now, everyday moments. Grateful for those too. Especially because they show how fleeting every second is, and how nothing should be taken for granted. November was a good month, though all too short as usual, but the little breaks from routine added to its quiet loveliness. And I'm leaving this month of thanksgiving with a vow to be thankful all the time. Because God doesn't only bless us thirty days of the year, does he? No, he's always there, providing during the other three hundred and thirty-five days too. And we should be remember to be thankful then, too.
Be sure to swing by Ellie's blog to see her November everyday moments!

As usual, I've rambled. I am too long-winded for my own good. But now, I'm going to get lost in paper snowflakes and She & Him Christmas music and lights. Christmas is calling -- I'm not going to ignore it.

How was your Thanksgiving?

xo, carlotta

ps want to get some extra traffic to your blog/shop for christmas? now's your chance -- I'm accepting sponsors for december! please email me for information if you're interested.

it sweeps shut

2011-11-23T17:23:00.003-06:00

Dusk falls. I wait. I wait for that moment of sudden transition, when the fading blue-grey light, tinged by violet, settles into velvety black, like a curtain closing after a show at the theater, swiftly and silently. The curtain sweeps shut earlier and earlier now -- I'd forgotten what night at 5:30 is like. I miss the long, tranquil, deliciously perfect summer evenings, smiling, carefree, stargazing, my back flat against a quilt, and hands stretched behind my head. But summer is behind us now; we only have next year to look forward to. Thank goodness seasons shift and we're not left to the same thing month after month -- I crave change.

My mind flits back to the present. I'm sitting in my chair at my desk, the window on my left prominently displaying the quiet beauty of a cloudy November sunset. Save for the lone lamp casting a wreath of golden glow, the room is dark. The trees are nothing by gnarled, twisted silhouettes jutting out against the sky, slightly ominous in the pale light. An airplane flies by, just a blip on the horizon, its lights twinkling. It's darker each time I glance from paper to window. And so another day ends. Another twenty-four hours that have slipped into night, which will eventually fade into the dawn of tomorrow.

But though I lament the fact that time passes by far too quickly, in the first sleepy moments of consciousness the next morning, I am filled with joy and excitement that I am blessed with another day to fill. I am grateful for new days and November sunsets.

And now, the curtain is almost closed, the transition about to happen. I shouldn't miss it.

keep your head up.

2011-11-21T16:36:00.002-06:00

My heart hurts for them. It hurts for the girls who, all around me, constantly lament how "fat" they are and eat nothing but salad, girls who pile on makeup starting at the age of nine, girls who are overcritical about their appearance. If beauty is defined as tall, slim, perfect hair and porcelain-smooth skin, it only drives girls into despair, lost in the throes of self-consciousness. The truth is, there is no definition of beauty. I've seen stunningly gorgeous women of every skin color, shape, and size. Why should a certain group of people behind the media dictate what beauty is? The models on the covers of magazines are digitally enhanced anyway, airbrushed and contorted until they're just pretty pieces of plastic.

I know it's hard. God knows I've struggled with feeling worthless and ugly many times. I've looked at my body and seen nothing but a shapeless form, I've seen myself in the mirror and been disgusted at the figure looking back at me. But I've come to be thankful that I have a body at all. And I've been learning and growing and discovered it's okay to be different from models. And yes, I know that "the only beauty that really matters is on the inside", but as women, we crave to feel beautiful on the outside too. So keep your head up, beautiful. Don't despair. God has made you fearfully and wonderful and you're beautiful just the way you are.

much love.

the highlights

2011-11-18T20:59:00.000-06:00

Sometimes there are afternoons where the light is waning and no one is really doing anything important. So, obviously, that entails a little photoshoot. Lilly and I had fun experimenting with sunflare and making silly faces and dancing around the room.

Tonight, I spent the evening in sweats, playing cards and eating stirfry with chopsticks. It's been a busy, full day and now I'm in my favorite chair, writing and listening to the screeches of laughter emitting from the couch. I think every day should end like this. And evenings like these make me reflect and make me so, so grateful to blessed with this crazy thing called life.

Highlights from this week:

the following conversation I overheard. MeMe: Lilly! I got a lawsuit, yes! I get to sue him! Lilly: oh MeMe, you are just so good! MeMe: oh dang it, I lost my job. now I'm going to be homeless. woo! I'm engaged! Lilly: car accident, pay ten thousand...darn. (the house is always interesting when the girls are playing life)

...

the unexpected rain + thunderstorms on monday

...

time spent with my partner-in-crime (aka bestfriend), Reagan

...

the perfect weather for a dress + cardigan + tights/knee high socks + boots

...

new books from the library to read over break

...

a pretty fall photo session with the cutest little family

...

a cold night by a cozy fire, coloring with the littles and laughing

What were some highlights from your week?

much love.

the world as seen from the stoop.

2011-11-16T21:21:00.000-06:00

So we meet again. Just when I thought it was too late in the year for bare feet and stoop sitting, the weather turns. And as I write this, I find myself back outside, on the stoop, barefoot. Barefoot and with a bowl of ice cream in hand, chocolate with chocolate chunks. The scrape scrape scrape of my spoon rings out loudly into the early evening as I scoop up the last dregs of melted goodness. And as the sun slips lower and lower to the horizon, where it will eventually fade away, I'm lost in golden-hued fallen leaves and the earthy smell surrounding me.

I like the way the leaves crunch and crackle underfoot, like a long, drawn out solo in the symphony of late autumn. At the same time, though, I can't help but feel a little sad that the jewels softly blanketing the ground now used to adorn the trees, now void and stark against the sky.

I've made it to Thanksgiving break, my first respite since summer, and I'm oh so happy. I plan to fill my seven days of nothing with reading, crafting, writing, knitting, catching up on sleep (why am I always so tired?), eating good food, and going on excursions. I'm excited for this week to commence.

i cut little sister's hair. i don't think it looks half bad.

And now, the sun is almost gone and my toes are frozen from the cold concrete. But first, to celebrate the beginning of the break, I've put together a little playlist of my November favorites.

november favorites by carlottacisternas on Grooveshark

What are some songs you've been crushing on lately? (if you're viewing this post in a reader, you'll have to click through to see the playlist.)

Happy Wednesday!

xo

ps i spruced up abbey's blog a bit -- what do you think?

the future

2011-11-14T17:29:00.000-06:00

Being a teenager is wrought with uncertainty, decisions, frustrations, and some of the best times of your life. But there are also some of the hardest times. How I can, having seen so little of life, be able to choose a career? Find a college? Know what I want to do with my life? Sometimes I want to give up. I feel in adequate and not ready. All this scares me, honestly. Wouldn't it just be easier to go back to elementary school, where college was just a distant unknown and the present delightfully simple?

I've always looked forward to being a "grown up", being able to do whatever I want to do and not having to be dictated by what a superior tells me. But now? Now that I'm so close to the age I longed to be all those years ago? I cower. I hide in the corner, I turn a blind eye, I pretend that it's too far in the future to worry about. But it's still there. Lurking. A source of excitement and something that scares me to death at the same time. It's part of growing up, I know, but that doesn't lessen the anxiety.

I wrote a new looking forward list last night. The list I'd written in early September helped me get through fall -- and even made me grow to adore it. And since I'm kind of dreading winter, and to help me see that the future isn't always bad, I wrote another one.

....

looking forward / winter

thanksgiving, christmas, and the breaks that accompany both

getting a christmas tree + christmas music

midnight candlelight christmas eve service (I really love christmas, can you tell?)

fires + hot chocolate + hot apple cider + letter writing

the first snow

a trip with my dad to canada (more on that soon)

starbucks dates

....

Winter isn't looking so bad after all. And when it comes to the not so great part of being this age...I know I can get through it with the help of Christ.

What are you looking forward to?

Happy Monday!

the big white house

2011-11-12T20:46:00.001-06:00

I live in a white house sprawled across two lots. It's only been two and a half years since we moved in, but it feels like home. The neighbors across the street have dubbed it "the happy house"; it's not unusual to see all the little girls of the neighborhood laughing and drawing with chalk and playing in worlds of their own in the front yard.

I live in a house that creaks with age -- the wood floors, windows, and walls. Sometimes I wander through the rooms, running my hand across the walls that were built in 1934, dreaming about the family that lived here like us fifty years ago. What kind of secrets are hidden within the plaster? What kind of things has this house seen?

I live in a house with lots and lots of windows. I like the way the setting sun pours in, casting rippling shadows and pooling in puddles of liquid gold on the floor, transforming everything for twenty precious minutes. And when darkness falls, I like the way the lights get switched on, one by one, making the house feel warm and cozy and safe.

I live in a house that's more than a house. It's a home. Behind the peeling layers of paint, the old wallpaper, there are stories. It's steeped in tradition, filled with family; stories are etched into the foundation, they're what hold it up. Our home is like an additional family member. It cradles us, supports us, listens and soaks up each and every moment of life. And for that, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

what's your home's story?

i'd like s'more, please

2011-11-09T20:19:00.000-06:00

In the midst of pumpkin bars, cinnamon spice, and apple crisp, a sandwich lurks. But not just any kind of sandwich -- one with graham crackers for bread; marshmallows and a slab of chocolate for filling. A s'more, they call it. And it's a delightful coda to an autumn day, the flavors, nutty and rich and mixed with a tinge of smoke, are thoughtfully calibrated. (though I must confess I reach my limit at two...too.much.sugar.)
S'mores speak of bonfires and glove-coated fingers. They whisper of steaming mugs of hot chocolate and apple cider, of laughter and hayrides. And with each crumbly, melted, gooey bite, it's like a memory in edible form.

S'mores -- love them or hate them? Marshmallows golden brown or blackened? Do tell!

xo

ps my sweet friend abby drew me...is she not amazing?

rainy day wanderlust

2011-11-07T18:15:00.001-06:00

It comes in the form of a stirring deep inside my chest. Evoked by the haunting melody of a song that brings back a flood of memories, an old photograph, or diary entry, it's a soft fluttering just strong enough that I can physically feel it when I concentrate. I can see it swirling and awakening, like a cat stretching and contorting itself after a nap. It's a strange sensation, this emotion. It's as if a little piece of me that had been amputated, forgotten about, suddenly reappears in a burst of memory, just like that.

Lately I've been bored with my life. Yes, I have more than enough to keep myself busy (almost too much, in fact), but I can't help feel dissatisfied with the monotony of day-to-day life. There's that moment, as the sun kisses the horizon farewell, that I look back at the day and when I realize I haven't really done anything, I get frustrated. I hate wasting a day, a day that is physically impossible to retrieve.

And as I gaze at photos and read entries from when I was in the midst of exciting things, I miss Germany. I miss Paris. I miss seeing new things and the feeling of productivity that comes with exploring and discovering. I am the kind of girl that craves change and adventure -- and when I settle into the same routine, I can feel the inception of restlessness, and the restlessness is even stronger after already having had a taste of this vast world.

I realize these thoughts are a bit selfish and unrealistic -- but I think it's human nature, always being dissatisfied with what you have at the present. Still, I can't help but long for...something. It's like a cross between wanderlust and fernweh, but intensified. What I'm longing for, I'm not exactly sure -- though I do know that I would rather be sailing anywhere except the dark throes of winter. Because even though I'm looking forward to the holidays, I see the long, grey, depressing months of January and February lurking behind the joy and celebration, and wish it were spring we're moving into.

So here I am, writing about my feelings, making do with memories and looking forward to my next adventure.

And in the meantime, those two earthquakes (one with a magnitude of 4.7, the other 5.6) that shook Oklahoma this weekend added just enough spice to hold me over. Who knew that Oklahoma had earthquakes anyway?

How has your Monday been, friend?

xo

for the love of thrifting

2011-11-04T21:51:00.002-05:00

some favorite thrifted finds.

My mama and I went thrifting yesterday. We headed to our favorite thrift shop, run by the most adorable old ladies, the ones who call you sweetie and give input on the clothes you're trying on. I sifted through the clothing, laughing with my mom as I held up the craziest pieces.

Thrifting is magic. I'm convinced. There's something about the thrill of the hunt, buying things you normally wouldn't be able to afford, coming home with a bag filled with ten new pieces for only twenty dollars. I love perusing the racks, sifting and hunting for treasure. And then in the midst of terrifying vellum jumpsuits, silky neon green button ups, and gold opaque track pants, it happens. A gem is found.

And yesterday? I must have had the luck of the thrifting gods, as my gem just happened to be a like-new Theory blazer that fit perfectly. I scooped it up, and nearly fell out of my chair when I found the exact same blazer listed for just under five hundred dollars on their site. I got it for four dollars. Yes. Excuse me while I squeal.

Some may think it annoying to sift through so much to find something special; I call it treasure hunting.

Do you have a favorite thrifted find?

xo

ps thank you for your feedback regarding the new design -- so glad you love it!

the present is the key to the past

2011-11-02T17:17:00.001-05:00

Wednesday is library day. In the midst of a busy schedule, it's my favorite mid-week haunt. I like the feeling of being surrounded by books, breathing in their papery, dusty scent, and the quiet atmosphere. Each time I walk in a library, I pause a moment and scan the shelves, in awe of the stories and history and discoveries hidden in a code of dotted ink. It's good for people watching too -- one can tell so much about a person based on the book they're reading or the magazine they're flipping through.

It's November second, and I'm situated in an easy chair at this magical place, a place that's capable of transporting you to foreign countries and taking you through all sorts of adventures without even leaving your chair. The dark sky spilling droplets of water combined with the knowledge that these adventures and discoveries are only a finger's touch away makes me excited and leaves me thinking about history.

It's no secret that I'm enamored by the years gone by. When gazing at photographs of how my city looked sixty-five years ago, I can't help but pine for what is no more...what I wouldn't give to spend a day in the nineteen forties.
My family tree has roots stretched and twisted across Chile, Germany, Spain, America, and the tales of how we came to be are richly intertwined with life at that time. And last night I listened to story after story about my family seventy years ago, the spoken words spinning and weaving a vivid, deep tapestry. Being the history geek that I am, I find myself enraptured.

And I sat and listened last night, I realized that those people in the photographs, the ones that I'd dreamed about? They're still alive. They're just seventy years older. The elderly people now are the very same ones that lived in a time that I yearn to visit. I'm the first to admit that spending time with older folks isn't exactly my idea of fun. But when I actually sit down and talk with them, it's enthralling and the stories they have to tell are oh so wonderful.

So happy November. I'm vowing to spend my month in thankfulness and time spent discovering and listening to the tales of the older people. Because the present is the key to the past, no?

on a side note, I realize pomegranates really have nothing to do with this topic. but they're pretty and I like them and so pomegranates it is.

xoxo

ps thoughts on the new design? it's different, yes, but it was a change i was ready for. ;)

the fleeting days of autumn

2011-10-31T22:09:00.001-05:00

I've come to dread the chirp-chirp of my alarm in the morning. It's all too cheery for a time when my eyes are still droopy and the sky still inky black. It takes me awhile to muster up the courage to crawl from the billowy folds of the blankets, the pleasant weight that never fails to lull me into slumber. I've even taken to setting my alarm ten minutes earlier, knowing full well that I'm not going to get out of bed when it actually goes off. Once my feet hit the floor, I know that the day has started and there's no crawling back into bed, hence my trying to prolong the inevitable.

Nevertheless, the days have been passing quickly, settled into a regular routine of work and school. I've been making a conscious effort to spend time under the vast blue sky every day, a vain attempt to seize each sliver of the fleeting autumnal hours (how can it be that tomorrow is November?). Hours that consist of piles of leaves, the ones that have already drifted lazily from their perch on the tree, lots of socks (my feet are perpetually cold), plaid flannel shirts, sunshine-y, cool weather, hot apple cider, mustard yellow anything, planning for and anticipating the upcoming holidays, and just plain living.

It's evening as I write this now. The fairy lights are still twinkling from the patio umbrella, decorated with tissue paper pompoms and chinese paper lanterns. The embers of the bonfire are still glowing, chairs arranged in a half-circle around it, and the remnants of s'mores and homemade pretzels and memories of a good time linger, a feeling that's almost tangible. I'm curled up into my favorite easy chair, the one with the fluffy sheepskin and overly plush back. The last guests from our party just trickled out the door -- I'm not a huge fan of the holiday known as Halloween, but this little (what has become annual) get-together is one of my favorite parts of October. It's nights like these, reflecting after a party, that make me so very thankful for friends.

sweater: thrifted / jeans: american eagle / boots: my mom's / belt: forever 21 / scarf: my grandfather's

Tomorrow is November. October is a time of full blown fall, but by the time this next month rolls around, it's more of a blustery, wintry feeling. Yes, I'm sad to see October go, but I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and the Christmas season (because let's face it, the weeks before Christmas are just as good, if not almost better, as the day itself).

Life. I like it.

How have you been spending your days lately?

ps guest posting over at beauty like a kaleidoscope today -- come say hi!

everyday moments: a collaboration

2011-10-28T16:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was not my day. I got frustrated, raised my voice a little louder than I should have, my makeup was smudged from tears by the end of the day, and I just was not a real fan of life. In those moments, it's so easy to succumb to emotions, to speak and act without thinking, to want to give up on life. Honestly, all I wanted to do yesterday was crawl in a little hole, cry in misery, and not talk to anyone for five years.

As I was editing these photos for today, I realized why I'm so enamored with the little moments. Because bad days are going to happen. They're inevitable. But in every bad day, there are always good moments. Yesterday it was the walk around the neighborhood I took with MeMe. We skipped and laughed and ran in the rain. That fresh air and alone time with my sister made everything a little brighter. And I think if I hadn't had a bad day, that time with MeMe wouldn't have stood out so much. But yesterday, it did -- even though it was wet and cold, the sun was shining in my heart.

And family? Thanks for putting up with me even when I'm not a very nice person. I love you so much.

So these are the everyday moments from October. Another month gone, another set of photos documenting life. Any favorites?
Also, be sure to check out Ellie's photos that will be up soon! (read the story behind everyday moments)

xo

ps a few advertising spots for november are still open! email me for deets if you're interested.

on inspiration.

2011-10-26T21:21:00.001-05:00

It's a fickle thing, inspiration. It comes and goes in waves, some big and towering, some small but still powerful, some just ripples on the breeze. Inspiration cannot be sought -- it just comes. And when it does come, you'd better grab it and hang on for the ride.

Getting started is the hardest. There's this place of too little and too much -- and, especially in writing, when I'm determined to keep it short and sweet, I find myself with triple the amount I'd originally been shooting for. But on the other hand, that's not always a bad thing. What starts with one sentence seems to weave itself, growing and expanding on its own and leaving me with a piece of art in the end.

One of the questions I'm asked more frequently is how to create and maintain inspiration. I'm hesitant to rattle off a list of tips because that would make me sound like I know what I'm doing, when more often than not, I really don't. It's hard to make yourself inspired, but there are a few things I've found help me on my way.

>>browse the prettiest blogs/websites you know
>>take a break from all electronics, lay on the grass and watch the clouds.
>>take pictures
>>look at all the things around you and write sentences in your head, describing them as accurately and prettily as you know
>>think. daydream. get lost in your own thoughts.
>>bake something
>>change your environment and go on an adventure
>>read a book
>>listen to music
>>and finally, have an open mind.

I think you'll find that inspiration comes when you're least expecting it.

What are some of your tips when you want to feel inspired?

-----

I'm pleased to announce that Red Currant (read the story behind the store and how I'm affiliated) has a new item -- Coral, a colorful poncho perfect for fall.

view it

Also, I'm now accepting November sponsors -- email me for more information!

Happy Wednesday!

xo

shrouded in a cloak of mist

2011-10-24T17:55:00.000-05:00

I slipped from the warm cocoon of my blankets and soft pillow. My feet touched the icy floor and a shiver ran through my body; I reached for my favorite sweatshirt. I headed downstairs and looked outside.

Fog blanketed the grass, a heavy grey coat. I opened the door and stood there, drinking it all in. And then I stepped into the misty wonderland, feeling wonderfully small and lost, shrouded in clouds.

The world was quiet, save for the twittering of the birds far in the trees; the sky was a slight peachy color in the east; a sort of battle between sun and fog. Dew sparkled in the soft light, on the mums and crimson leaves and clothespins on the laundry line. And I photographed. I sighed inwardly and the soft clickclick of my shutter replied.

A sense of fernweh, wanderlust, came over me, wishing and longing and dreaming for the unknown. What exactly it was that I yearned for, I'm not sure. I think it's more the experiences of the journey that I crave instead of going to one specific place or experiencing one specific thing. I suppose I'm just I'm a traveling soul at heart.

The fog does these kind of things to you. And I love it. Anyone want to send some of their extra fog over to Oklahoma? Because we don't get it nearly often enough.

What do you favor -- clear, sunny days, or misty wonderlands?

liking at the moment

2011-10-21T21:08:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of favorites. Lots and lots of favorites. And sometimes, it seems as favorite is a bit overused, just like the term love. So, to avoid using the words favorite or love -- because those are passing and can change easily, here are some things that I really like at the moment.

fall. Oh hey, you know, just the thing that pretty much every blogger is talking (or shall I say writing?) about these days. But that's okay, I love it anyway. Especially since it gives me a justified reason to have my space heater on at all times. It's a little silly to have it on in summer, I know, but I can't help always feeling cold.

new shoes. Courteousy of a sweet older lady at church. They're perfect.

haircuts. This afternoon I headed for the salon. My favorite part? Having my hair washed. Pure bliss. (is that creepy?) I was long overdue for this cut -- it's a bit shorter than I would've liked it, but after playing with it and styling it different ways, it's growing on me. Thoughts?

And yes, I changed my shirt in between photos. It's how I roll.

sunrise drives. When the sun comes creeping up from behind the horizon, spilling the first rays of light over the landscape, that's where I want to be.

mini-sized outfit shoots. I seriously don't think there's anything more adorable than tiny sized fashion shoots. Most adorable thing ever. And as for Lilly...well, she likes it too ;)

iced coffee. Because I'm all for drinking cold drinks when it's frosty outside and warm drinks when it's sweltering outside. It's all about the opposites, baby. But in all seriousness, I've found myself making iced coffee nearly every afternoon. It's just that delicious -- and easy. Want to make one of your own?

You'll need approximately one cup cold brewed coffee, 1/4 - 1/2 cup milk, ice cubes, sugar to taste, and ice cream. I like to put in my ice cubes in first, pour in the coffee, add the milk and sugar, then the ice cream. Mmm.

What are some things you've been really liking lately?

xoxo

from my room

2011-10-19T20:55:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning and looked around my room. I knew something there was different about it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. And then I realized, oh wait, the piles of clothes are gone, cleaned up the day before. Yes, that's how bad it was. I should really get a grip on my messy nature.

No long rambling thoughts today, no insightful analogies on life or my roller-coaster emotions; just some shots from my room (because if it's clean, it should be documented). My decorating style is a bit of an eclectic mishmash -- part modern, part vintage, part southwestern, part kitschy. Most of the pieces in my room I've either found in our basement, thrifted, or repurposed. I'm satisfied with it at the moment, though; it screams Carlotta, and I feel at home each time I walk in. It's my haven, my own little corner of the world.

Also, I would like to say that it's getting down to thirty one degrees (fahrenheit) tonight and the warmth of the heater greeted me when I walked into the house tonight. Fall has officially arrived in Oklahoma.

xoxo

4:56am

2011-10-17T16:44:00.003-05:00

I walk outside, the world cold and dark. Sliding into the car, I shiver and dig my hands deeper into the pockets of my sweatshirt. The trunk door closes with a shudder that trembles throughout the car. We back out of the drive way; Alina rolls down her window and waves to my mother standing outside the house. The knowledge that the time is coming lurks inside of all of us, I know, but we chit-chat anyway. And then, shining and bright, the lights of the airport appear. We haul Alina's luggage out of the car and onto the curb, and I stand there with her, talking, while Jeremiah adjusts some straps and Dad parks. The rest was a bit of a blur. Check in. Up the stairs. Security. Hugging close, not wanting the moment to end, willing myself not to cry. I love you, I'll miss you. Walking away, turning around for one last wave, one last glimpse. And then it's over, she's gone.
I hate goodbyes.

The reminiscing, remembering of our adventures are the one of the things that make our separation bearable, though, like the trip to the lake a few weeks ago.

On that warm afternoon at the end of September, I pulled out the quilt and gave it a firm shake, and watched it ripple down to the grass. After changing into shorts and moving the blanket into the shade, I lay down next to my sisters. Alina and MeMe were immersed in their books, Lilly nestled between them. On my back, I watched the clouds float by, lazy with the breeze. My brother fished in the lake, while the soft murmur of my parent's conversation carried from behind the reeds. And as I lay there, an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment came over me. It was one of those moments where everything seems right and you don't want to be anywhere but the present. It lasted for the rest of our time at the lake, that euphoria. It's a time I don't ever want to forget.

Alina left this morning. Three weeks wasn't long enough, but I'm thankful for having time at all. Having family strewn across the globe is hard. Goodbyes come far too quickly and the time in between visits is far too long. There is a pang of envy and longing, I have to admit, when friends talk animatedly about how they met grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles for Sunday lunch, or how their all their family lives nearby. It's hard, I'm not going to lie. But, just as in every circumstance, there's a grain of good in everything. In living with this kind of arrangement, I cherish my family that much more, and relish each moment I do get to spend with them. And the memories -- oh, the memories we made while she was here. They make everything better.

What are some moments you never want to forget? I'd so love to hear.

thursday stills

2011-10-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

top: gift (urban outfitters) >> tank: target >> jeans: old navy >> moccasins: minnetonka >> necklace: forever 21 >> clutch: my mother's, from india >> bracelets: assorted

Yesterday was catching up on work, letter writing, picnic in the front yard, cleaning, organizing, and picture taking; above are just a few shots from my day. Reading that sentence again, it sounds rather picturesque and deliciously simple, but believe me, it was far from it. That's okay, though -- this space is to help me realize that everything isn't picturesque and simple.

But with that being said, I like the idea of living a simple life, and while a life can be portrayed as such online, the truth of the matter is that it just doesn't work out that way. There is always an element of the unexpected, of surprise each day and it's impossible to have a day go according to a simple schedule.

Then there is the matter of procrastination. I've observed that it's really just a form of forgetfulness. A willful type of forgetfulness, but the end result is the same thing. Everyone has those tasks -- the ones we'd rather not do but need to be done nonetheless. And it's when we tell ourselves that we'll do them later, we forget about it. And suddenly, the day is over in a blink of an eye and we still haven't completed that task is still sitting there, uncompleted. It's a vicious cycle.
While I've given up on trying to defeat procrastination once and for all -- we're human and therefore sinners, after all -- it's possible to put a crack the cycle. Though this may be common sense, when I complete a task immediately after I think of it, there is no chance to forget, and in the end, less stress and a simpler life. I confess to using the reward system with myself, because hey, it works.
Everyone struggles with procrastination, I think, but to simply say it can't be helped is not the solution. Heck, I'm just as bad as anyone else when it comes to putting things off -- I wish I could say that I practice what I preach, but I'm afraid to say it doesn't always work. However, by writing this, I'm hoping we can encourage and support one another and take baby steps to slowly improve our "condition".

And there are my deep philosophical thoughts for the day. Any other thoughts on this matter?

On a side note, do yourself a favor a listen to James Vincent McMorrow. If you follow me on twitter, you've seen my gushing lately, but his music is too stunning not to share. (favorites: if i had a boat, breaking hearts)

And now the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and a quilt amidst fallen crackling leaves is calling my name. Happy Friday!

cinnamon rolls

2011-10-12T21:58:00.001-05:00

While driving through the Texas hill country early this morning, the sun rose, a fiery scarlet behind thick steely clouds. And then the rain started. First in splatters that I find resemble chicken feet, then a more pounding rain, beading up on the freshly waxed car. The trucks in front of us spewed extra water at our windshield; I repositioned myself, my body sore from remaining in the same spot for so long, and fluffed my pillow, tucked the blanket around my feet. And as I sat there, watching scenery fly past in a wet flash, I thought. About our trip. About writing and about life. About how, to put it bluntly, stupid family arguments are and how they leave holes in one's heart. Family is something that should be embraced and cherished, and to have it ruined hurts. A lot.

The rain tends to do that to you, it makes you think and then in the midst of deep contemplation, the drowsiness arrives. And as you're in that space between consciousness and slumber, everything seems to make perfect sense and the world seems right.

I'm home. It's been a crazy, messy, but mostly good few days. There are bags to be unpacked, work to be caught up on, a room to be cleaned, but that's okay -- after all, they're all things that come with traveling, a small price to pay.

Oklahoma weather is as beautiful as ever (after being reminded of Houston's humidity, I'm so thankful!), still warm during the day but cozy at night. The leaves haven't quite changed yet; nearly all the trees still verdant and leafy as ever.

And in this in-between time, the metamorphosis of summer to fall, there's the dilemma of food choices. Something that doesn't plunge too deep into fall, but not something light and summery either. Enter cinnamon rolls. They still hold a note of an Indian summer quickly fading away, but the spice of cinnamon slowly introduces the first wisps of autumn. But who am I kidding -- cinnamon rolls aren't limited to early October. I made them all through out this year and relished every single bite, but it's hard to surpass a warm roll with a cup of steamy coffee on a cool morning.

cinnamon rolls

for the rolls
- 1 package dry active yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)
- 1 cup warm milk
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 1/3 cup butter
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 2 eggs
- 4 cups flour

for the filling
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
- 1/3 cup butter, softened

to make
In a large bowl, dissolve the yeast in the warm milk. Add sugar, eggs, butter, salt, and flour, and mix well. Knead the dough into a large ball. (I used the hook attachment on my KitchenAid for this step) Place dough back in bowl and cover with a clean towel. Let rise in a warm place for approximately three hours, or until dough has doubled in size.
Place dough on a floured surface; it will be slightly sticky. Don't be afraid to use lots of flour! It is essential for easy rolling up later. Roll the dough out until it is approximately 21 inches long by 16 inches wide.
Spread softened butter across surface, add the brown sugar, then sprinkle on the cinnamon. Working carefully from the long edge, roll the dough down to the bottom. With a sharp knife, slice into rolls about 1 1/2 inches thick. Place on lightly greased baking sheets, cover with a clean towel, and let rise.
Note: I prepare all this the late afternoon/evening before and let the rolls rise overnight, then pop them in the oven the next morning. It takes a bit of planning, but it's so worth it.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake rolls for ten minutes, then rotate pan and return to oven for an additional five minutes, or until golden brown. Serve warm.

-carlotta

monday evening mishmash

2011-10-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

her pose, not mine ;)

On my left, the gorgeous eleventh-floor view of downtown San Antonio, the lights from the skyscrapers twinkling and shimmering in the velvety night. And on my right, MeMe sprawled out next to me, and Alina on the other bed, typing. We just got back from wandering around the riverwalk -- which is right at the foot of our hotel. We saw the Alamo, which is even more beautiful at night, listened to mariachi bands, and I photographed my hipster brother.

It's Monday. But not a typical Monday -- no, it's far from a normal start to the week. I'm in San Antonio at the moment; we left my hometown near Houston early this morning. It was so good to see all our old friends, but this is right now and I'm happy. My mind is a bit jumbled at the moment -- so many emotions and so much to see in such a little amount of time. Hence, the choppiness of this post. But more often than not, I find it therapeutic to just write and get it all out there.

I like fancy hotels. They make me feel sophisticated, something I am far from, but I like pretending. Humor me, will you? As we all rode the elevator to our room, we all began dancing to the music playing. No sooner did I comment, "Wouldn't it be funny if someone walked in right now?" than the door opened and a man walked in. Yes. There was an awkward silence.

relaxing in the roof top hot tub.

And yesterday was the perfect rainy Sunday. It rained in south east Texas for the first time in a long time, a steady pouring stream of water from the sky. I spent the afternoon in leggings with a button up and scarf, reading against a mountain of pillows as the raindrops continued to fall. And when pillows, a warm blanket, a book, and rain is combined, the end result is a slumbering me.

And just because she's cute, and because I can't think of a better way to end a post, here's Lilly singing Home.

Happy Monday!

-carlotta

the fair at dusk

2011-10-07T21:27:00.000-05:00

We arrived as the sun was setting, swirling pink and orange and indigo as a backdrop for the sun slipping beneath the horizon. Granted, I'm not who goes on rides and consumes large amounts of deep fried food, but there's something alluring about a carnival, especially at dusk.

The flashing neon signs, a stark contrast against the darkening sky, flaunting the biggest spiders of the world, deep fried ice cream, and rides of all sorts. And in between the livestock, the deep fried kool-aid and burgers with doughnuts as buns (no, I'm not kidding), the screams of people on rides, the newly hatched chicks carefully wobbling about, there's a sense of peace. I like the fair. And I can't wait to go again next year.

What's your favorite part of the fair?

ps the winner of the $25 gift certificate to the poppy boutique is josie and the winner of the locket is emma. congratulations! please email me to claim your prize.

note: if winners do no respond within forty eight hours, new winners will be picked.

thoughts on life

2011-10-05T21:39:00.001-05:00

It's an oxymoron. Life, simultaneously messy and perfectly neat, heartbreaking and being filled with so much joy it's as if your heart will burst. Gritty, yet amazingly rewarding, trials and the best days of your life. I'm not quite sure how to go about writing this -- there's so much to be said about a single word, our very existence. My time here on earth hasn't been very long, but the sliver I've been fortunate enough to experience has taught me so much.

It's taught me that faith and family are the most important things and best friends are essential, people who will just listen as you talk and talk for hours on end, put up with drama and silliness, and give you advice. Strong relationships are the basis to making it through this crazy journey -- with people as well as God.

oh hi alina.

It's taught me that every single second should be cherished and lived like it's your last. Life is too short to complain, fight, argue over petty things that are forgotten in a blink of an eye. I must confess this is something that I struggle with -- being the strong willed person I am, it's hard for me to just let it go. It's far from simple; on the contrary, it's hard. I can only trust in the grace of Christ that he will help me.

It's taught me that nothing is perfect -- no human, no blog, no situation, and most definitely not my life. When it comes to blogging, there are some trials I share on here, but this is not a dumping ground for every single thing that is going wrong in my life. That is what my diary is for. Honestly, the things that upset me every day are trivial and simply not worth rehashing. This space is a visual journal and a place to be creative, a place to remember the little things and chronicle my photographic journey.
That's not to say that life can get overwhelming; on the contrary, I sometimes succumb to tears just wondering how I can possible be able to get everything done in time. These past few weeks have been incredibly wonderful and at the same time so overwhelming at the same time. Having my sister here completes us, but it's a balancing act, really, trying to fit in work and other tasks that still need to be done while resting by spending time with my family. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though -- I'm so thankful to have this time. So no, life recently hasn't been perfect, but it's been pretty darn good.

(for some other wonderful, perfectly said words on the topic of blogging, Libby's "the onion girls" post is simply phenomenal. pleasepleaseplease do yourself the favor of reading it.)

life has also taught me that my mother's pizza is the best.

I can't even begin to scrape the surface of all that life is and stands for, but tonight, these are these few things are the ones that are my heart. Life. I love it, in all its crazy, gritty, wonderful, frustrating, amazing glory.

Have a beautiful rest of the week, lovelies.

october

2011-10-03T16:23:00.005-05:00

It's an in-between month. September, with summer weather in the beginning, then a slow, slipping transition into fall; dotted with birthdays and celebrations and just plain loveliness.

And then there's October. Tucked into the space between the last traces of summer and the first icy tendrils of winter, I feel as if it's the only legitimate month of autumn. I tend to overlook this month of crackling, crunchy leaves, a thousand shades of crimson and amber and gold; the clear, blindingly azure skies; the wispy scent of smoke in the air; the extra patchwork quilt on the bed. But when October arrives each year, I wonder how I ever survived without it.
It's the first touch of fall, the dipping-in-your-toes stage, a bit of a deja vu when reacquainting yourself with the new season. It's the second and third mug of hot chocolate, steaming and frothy with milk. It's the flushed pink cheeks and frozen ears, tingling just enough to make you feel more alive than ever. It's the crackling fire on a chilly night, the smoke making its lazy ascent into the velvety, star studded blackness. It's October and I'm quite smitten.

Exactly one year ago today, October third, I was in Paris. I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that so much time has already passed – time flies so quickly. I miss it. I remember biting into my first pain au chocolat (and consequently dying a thousand deaths of buttery goodness) in one of the myriad tiny bakeries that dot every inch of the city. I remember trudging up the steep steps on the hill that houses Sacre Coeur and gasping at the sight of Paris spread out before me. I remember seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time and the giggle my mother and I shared looking at the other spectators jostle each other for a good photograph. I took a picture of that scene.

I also remember sitting at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, crying. My emotions were a mess that day – simultaneously elated, excited, and exhausted. I realized while sitting on that bench that I only had a few days left in Europe, and I cried. I was overwhelmed with everything I'd seen in such a short amount of time and my feet ached from walking so many miles. I cried, wishing the rest of my family could be there right with me. I cried in happiness and disbelief that I was really there. Yes, I'm silly – but sometimes when you're caught up in a moment, it's hard to keep your emotions in check.

September was a good month, a very good month. But this is October. A month of memories, new things, warm colors, and lots of family time. This is October and I'm so glad it's here.

xo

ps to ring in october, a new look at pastor's girl's ponderings. it's a change i've been planning and working on for a few weeks -- while i find sidebar headers lovely, i was ready for something different. thoughts?

update: for those of you that thought my blog design was similar to hannah's -- there's no question that i admire her designs and blog, but i promisepromisepromise that i was working on this design before she redid her blog. i suppose great minds think alike, no? ;)

everyday moments: a collaboration

2011-09-30T16:53:00.001-05:00

I have a passion for the ordinary moments in life. The ones that are easily overlooked, taken for granted, dismissed as too "normal" but really hold so much beauty. Sometimes it's easy to see if something is beautiful or not -- a flaming sun slipping behind clouds, crooked, time worn streets of Europe, the quiet ebb and flow of a turquoise ocean. There's no denying that these are works of art, but there are times where the quiet, subtle moments hidden in an everyday routine outshine even the most glorious sunset.

We leads me to the reveal of a new project -- Everyday Moments, a collaboration between Ellie and myself. Brought on by our mutual love of those fleeting, special times, once a month we're going to share our favorite images from the past month. No posing, no directing, just simple, sweet life. I'm not going to lie -- I'm excited about this project. As a photographer, I notice things, but I'm often too lazy to go get my camera and try to accurately capture what I'm seeing. This will give me incentive; a little push that's good for me. There are times when I'm more focused on the lighting and background, making me miss the moment. For this project? I'm focusing on the memories instead of the settings.

c a m e l r i d e

s a n d b o x c r e a t i o n s

s h e i s a m o n k e y a t h e a r t

w e l i k e t h e l i b r a r y

s u n s e t w a l k

j u m p

l i f e

h i k e i n t h e r a i n

a l i n a + l i l l y

e a r l y m o r n i n g c r a f t s

Photography is so much more than just capturing something beautiful -- it's about capturing life. It's about freezing a second in time that draws you back. Here's to everyday moments.

And tonight? I'm planning to see The Help (finally, finally) with my sister and mama tonight. What are your Friday night plans?

Have a wonderful weekend, friends.

-carlotta

p.s. last chance for sponsoring pastor's girl's ponderings in october! please email me for rates if you're interested.

a little midweek giveaway

2011-09-28T17:58:00.003-05:00

I like my sponsors. And I like you. And to celebrate both, here's a little giveaway to brighten your day.

Ashley of The Poppy Chain Boutique creates some gorgeous jewelry. She's super sweet and is also a sponsor for this month -- and she's giving away a twenty five dollar gift certificate to her shop. Looking for a little something special to spice up your fall wardrobe? Ashley 's shop features pieces that are the perfect mix of vintage and modern, fun and girly.

Also, just for the lovely readers of pastor's girl's ponderings, you can get twenty percent off your order with the code PGP20 -- don't miss this opportunity!

And not only is Ashley giving away something, Romi, another lovely sponsor, has made this lovely locket especially for you. I'm in love with the edginess it adds to an outfit -- perfect for the nautical trend I'm rather head over heels for.

Want to enter to be one of two lucky winners? Here's how it works.

mandatory entry

answer this question: what are you most looking forward to in October?

extra entries

+ follow pastor's girl's ponderings on google friend connect

+ follow me on twitter (@pastorsgirl)

+ tweet about the giveaway (make sure to link to me so we can track your tweet!)

+ follow Ashley's blog
+"heart" Romi's shop on etsy

Please leave a separate comment for each entry.

Giveaway ends Sunday, October 2nd and winners will be announced shortly afterwards.

Have fun and good luck!

-carlotta

p.s. I'm now accepting sponsors for october! please email me for more information.

girly and industrial

2011-09-26T15:50:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it's good to to act on an impulse. It's been a dream of mine to go on a shoot in an industrial area with a ballerina. The juxtaposition between girly and edgy gets me every time. Lucky for me, my dear friend Reagan, who has been taking ballet for over ten years and is in a professional division, agreed to help me out with my idea. After a little shopping, she slipped on her leotard and skirt and laced up her pointe shoes. We explored and climbed onto dumpsters (ahem, me), laughed and got into uncomfortable positions for that shot. You know -- the one that requires effort and maybe a even a bit of risk but is so worth it in the end. Have I ever mentioned how much I love photography? And industrial settings.

other highlights of this weekend:

All the super sweet birthday wishes from y'all (I read every single one and oh, they made my day. Thank you so much!) and a surprise visit from Reagan, which turned into her spending the whole weekend with us. I love my friends + family so much.

New moccasins -- they were much needed as my old ones were literally falling apart.

MeMe's birthday yesterday; she's eight! I can't believe it. I remember when she came into this world so clearly. My little Mariam Elizabeth, growing up so fast I can hardly keep up. I love you so much, MeMe!

Reading reading reading -- I devoured two books in three days.

The safe arrival of my sister Alina late last night, who's sitting right next to me at the moment. We're so glad she's here with us for a few weeks!

What were some of your favorites from this weekend?

-carlotta

fifteen.

2011-09-23T15:06:00.003-05:00

I woke up early this morning. The birds were chirping in the tree outside my window and the sun slowly made its ascent up into the sky. I wrapped the blankets tighter around me as I lay in bed, listening to the soft rustle of the wind through the trees and the sounds of my family stirring downstairs.
I like birthdays. A lot. They're my favorite actually -- I love the idea of setting aside the day just to celebrate a person's life, the surprises, the food, doing special things.

Today is my birthday. I've always been one that gets so incredibly happy over days like these -- when I was younger (and okay, now too), I'd have a countdown from three months away. But as the years have progressed, the excitement has waned a bit too. I suppose it comes with growing up.

scored this beauty at an estate sale today. so in love.

I struggled with the decision to share my age. As someone who was often mistaken for much younger as a child, I liked the idea of people thinking I was older than I really am. I was afraid that if I shared my age, I'd be looked down upon and my thoughts dismissed. While I realized how ridiculous those thoughts are, there was some part of me that wanted to keep my age a secret. But while this may seem silly to make such a big deal over it, I think it's good for me, to remind myself that I'm still young and it's okay not to take everything upon my shoulders. Sure, it's so easy to get caught up in age and creating an aura of mystery, but it's not always for the better.

Last night, I took a good long look at myself in the mirror. But it wasn't a vain kind of look, it was a deep, soul searching kind of look. I'm not going to lie, I felt a bit melancholy and my heart was rather heavy. This past year was good to me -- I've grown and learned, both mentally and physically and so many exciting things have happened to me. I wasn't sad because I was turning a new age, it was just the knowledge that I'm leaving behind another year of my life, a year I know I'll never get back.
Fifteen is a strange age; it's a limbo between girl and woman, not quite grown up but not a child anymore either. Sometimes it feels strange that I'm still a teenager -- there are times I long to be freed from the shackles of a little thing called school and to live life, fully and completely. And other times I wish I were little again. These feelings run through my mind with each birthday, leaving me excited for the year to come and a bit sad at the same time.

My name is Carlotta and I'm fifteen today. There's a whole new year stretched in front of me like a blank slate and you better well believe I'm going to live it to the fullest. And now? I'll start small, by eating a piece of oreo ice cream cake and celebrating this new year of life.

Happy Friday, y'all.

-carlotta

homemade oreos + some miscellany

2011-09-21T22:07:00.002-05:00

I took one photograph today. As the sun was setting behind clouds threatening rain, I snapped a shot right as my battery died. (I'm awful at remembering to charge that thing -- and of course, right when I need it, it's empty.) One thing I've been learning about photography is that it can't be forced. Of course you can look for things to capture, but when the creativity isn't there, it just isn't. And honestly, in the midst of a crazy day of classes and homework and work, it's okay to put down the camera and do what needs to be done. I took one photograph today. And that's okay.

clutch from my mother's time in india.

This weekend, I devoted Saturday afternoon to decluttering my mess of a room. Four bags of trash and a three hours later, I was left with a neat, clean living space. And during that time, I not only simplified physically, I cleared my mind at the same time. That time was oh so good for my soul. I realized that while the saying that a messy room is the sign of an artistic mind (which I still think is true, but that's beside the point), it's so amazingly freeing, both mentally and physically, for everything to have a spot.

first fire of the season

Despite the fact my birthday falls on the first day of autumn, spring and summer are my favorite seasons. And if you'd ask me a few months ago, I'd have taken lengthening days and bright colors over the spicy tones of fall any day. But lately, it's made my heart so happy to don sweaters and boots, to drink hot chocolate and knit (yes, I am most definitely eighty at heart) at the end of the day. I relish the crisp mornings and cool nights, temperatures that make me reach for a cozy blanket and a good book to unwind at the end of the day, a sweet escape from the trials of everyday life.

And with the arrival of autumn comes the craving for baked goods. Like homemade oreos. It's no secret that I have a soft spot for the creamy filling sandwiched between chocolate cookies, crunchy and flavorful and delicious. And homemade oreos? Simple, cheaper, and better for you.

homemade oreos
adapted from smitten kitchen's homemade oreos

ingredients for the chocolate wafers:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch process cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) room-temperature, unsalted butter
1 large egg

ingredients for the filling:
1/2 cup (1 stick) room-temperature, unsalted butter
2 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar (or powdered sugar)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

directions

Preheat oven to 375°F and set two racks in the middle of the oven.
In a food processor, or bowl of an electric mixer, thoroughly mix the flour, cocoa, baking soda and powder, salt, and sugar. While pulsing, or on low speed, add the butter, and then the egg. Continue processing or mixing until dough comes together in a mass.
Take rounded teaspoons of batter and place on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet approximately two inches apart. With moistened hands, slightly flatten the dough. Bake for 9 minutes, rotating once for even baking. Set baking sheets on a rack to cool.
To make the cream, place butter in a mixing bowl, and at low speed, gradually beat in the sugar and vanilla. Turn the mixer on high and beat for 2 to 3 minutes until filling is light and fluffy.
To assemble the cookies, in a pastry bag with a 1/2 inch, round tip, pipe teaspoon-size blobs of cream into the center of one cookie. Place another cookie, equal in size to the first, on top of the cream. Lightly press, to work the filling evenly to the outsides of the cookie. Continue this process until all the cookies have been sandwiched with cream (makes 25-30 sandwich cookies). Eat with a tall glass of milk and enjoy!

Also, thank you, thank you, thank you for the amazing feedback from Red Currant. We feel so blessed and overwhelmed in a good way to have such wonderful support!

xoxo

announcing red currant

2011-09-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

It all started with an email in early August. After the initial excitement and anticipation, the following weeks passed in a flurry of preparation and activity, photoshoots and laughter, late nights and web designing. In what seems like much longer but has really only been seven weeks, this collaboration between my dear friend Meg and me has blossomed from simply an idea into reality. And we couldn't be more excited.

We're so pleased to announce the grand opening of Red Currant, an online clothing store for women. Featuring modern pieces with a vintage flair, we believe that style is more than just clothing -- it's an art, an intricately woven tapestry of your life. So why should you live your life in ordinary, boring clothes?
Each piece in the shop is unique and carefully selected, because, after all, we only want the best for our customers.

coco, styled

It's funny, putting together this launch felt like the preparation for the birth of a baby. But in a way, Red Currant is our baby. It's been nurtured and nursed, had countless hours spent working on it -- and now it's born. Tiny and exciting and new.

clementine

And as a little grand opening special, if you like our facebook page, you're automatically entered in a drawing to win a 50% off coupon code. Don't miss your chance to get half off of anything!

Our labor of love, Red Currant, is finally here and we're so glad. Go on, visit the shop and tell us what you think!

-carlotta

just happy things

2011-09-16T17:36:00.003-05:00

After getting up multiple times -- first to get some socks, then for hot chocolate, and a third time for a blanket -- I'm settled here in the chair next to the bay window. The girls are sipping hot chocolate, leaving milky brown mustaches on their upper lip, and the dog is stretch out on the window seat, watching the front yard. It's fifty two degrees Fahrenheit and raining outside, a slow, steady, soaking drizzle -- and I'm dressed accordingly in a woolen sweater and jeans (why yes, I do get cold easily). Fall has arrived and I'm happy.

Other happy things, because sometimes random is good:

birthdays.

Jeremiah's eleventh birthday was Monday, but we're celebrating today. Which means presents, chocolate chip pancakes, and hiking in the rain. We bundled up, packed food, and set off. The landscape was transformed by the drizzle, mysterious, rugged, and alluring.

ever wondered what I look like in a yellow over sized rain coat? well now you know.

And when we came back home, frozen, ruddy cheeked, and laughing, we had cake and hot chocolate.

I quite like birthdays. And rainy days.

gardening.

I don't garden often enough, but each time I feel the soil sifting through my fingers and reap the bounty of my efforts, I wonder what keeps me away from it. There's something beautiful about the process of gardening, nurturing seeds into leafy plants.

flowers in my hair.

top and belt: thrifted / jeggings: american eagle / boots: my mother's / hair clip: unknown

visual recipes.

This gorgeous video featuring a beet cake recipe is my newest videography crush. Actually, everything by tiger in a jar is my newest crush.

school.
Three weeks in and school has yet to be a major source of stress for me. In fact, I'm finding myself enjoying it. The satisfying feeling of a stack of completed homework, discussions in class, sweet new friends all make my heart so happy. I'm so thankful the Lord answered my prayers -- I was so anxious over my work load and the amount of stress I thought I'd have this year.

apples and bottles.

As much as I love photo journalism, sometimes it's nice to get creative set up a shot.

What are some things that are making you happy?

-carlotta

p.s. monday, september 19th. the big reveal of the project I've been slaving over the past few weeks. be excited, y'all.

portraits in black and white

2011-09-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

There are certain photographs that have a magical hold on me. It's as if there is an invisible cord tethering me to them, rendering me unable to refrain from looking at them, again and again. It's when the image speaks to me and makes me wonder what the story of the austere visage looking back at me is; it's when I wonder what was surrounded the photographer as the image was captured; it's when I see something new and intriguing each time that I know it's truly a good photograph.

It's when I feel these feelings bubble up within me that I remember why I'm a photographer, why freezing moments in time is my passion. And it seems that more often than not, these photos are black and white. I have an emotional attachment to images that are only colored in grey, black, and white dots. When the distraction of colors is taken away, it seems that the viewer can look straight into the heart of the subject -- when subject become more than a subject but an actual human being.

Being a photographer means capturing a soulful expression or mellifluous laughter of a child. Like a writer paints a picture with words, a photographer tells a story in a single square of colors. And black and white images seem to be the driving force behind this passion of capturing everyday moments. Because while color photographs are good and lovely and have their place, there are certain things that can only be seen through the eyes of black and white.

What do you prefer -- black and white or color?

xoxo

memories

2011-09-12T19:02:00.004-05:00

I remember that fateful September morning vividly. The day dawned, with crisp, clear blue sky and the sun shining down brightly. It was a just a normal morning. Then the call came. It was my grandmother, who still lived in Germany at the time. She heard the news before us and called to see if we were okay. We went to a neighbor's house and sat glued to the television, watching something that looked out of a movie. I remember the disbelief, the tears, the uncertainty. I remember wondering why and mourning the loss of so many lives. September 11th. It's a day I will never forget as long as I live.

Time is fleeting all too quickly. The tenth anniversary of 9/11, ten years that passed so quickly, reminded me of this fact. I think often about how each day that passes is a day closer to the day of our death. That may sound pessimistic, but it's a thought that enters my mind often. Now that a routine has resumed, I hate getting lost into the monotony of it all, each day passing identical to its predecessor. I'm striving to make each day unique, special, even if it's just in a small way, instead of letting it pass like any other day. Because we don't really have time for wasting days -- instead, I'm vowing to seize the day. I'm vowing to stop wasting time and do what can be done now instead of waiting for a tomorrow that may be nonexistent. It's an uphill battle, honestly. I'm human. I'm weak, I fail, I'm a sinner. It's only through the grace of Christ that I can make it another day.

We walked along the river -- which, thanks to the drought, is really more of a big puddle than a river -- yesterday. My sisters walked hand in hand with my parents, my brother wove between them on his ripstik, and I strayed behind them, photographing and lost in my own world. And as the sun slipped behind the horizon, spilling dappled light on the world, I took mental images, willing myself not to forget these moments.

The weekend was one of remembering and recalling, bunting and ice cream socials in the backyard, friends and laughter, long walks in perfect weather and the sparkling of sunshine on the water. And I had my first root beer float of my life. Really. I can't say it was my favorite, but hey, I tried it and that's all that matters.
Each precious moment was like a brushstroke of color in the painting of life. The challenging, stressful moments outweighed by the sun drenched, smiling, heart warming moments in the intricately, carefully painted canvas of life -- a piece of artwork that's still being worked on by the master artist.

And today? It's Jeremiah's birthday. A whole eleven years have passed since he entered this world a slippery pink screaming baby. A whole eleven years that he's brought joy and laughter to the family. He's the one who will always laugh at my jokes, that one who I can tell anything, the one I can be silly and bust out my dance moves with. Happy birthday, Jeremiah. I love you. So much.

Happy Monday, friends.

-carlotta

baked macaroni and cheese

2011-09-09T21:35:00.001-05:00

The sound of the whisk in the metal pot was steady, around and around the metal wires went, stirring the sauce. But this wasn't the only sound -- or smell. No, there was the sound of butter sizzling in a sauce pan, threatening to burn. The pot of water was at a roiling boil, begging for noodles and sending a pillar of steam towards the ceiling. Beneath the smells of butter and cheese and milk, there was a distinct burning smell. And I was ready to cry.

I'm not a chef. A baker, perhaps, but most definitely not a chef. I find baking more soothing -- there aren't usually four different pots on the stove, each demanding attention. Instead, it's just quiet sounds of flour mixing with eggs and sugar -- simple, predictable, relaxing. But cooking? That's a whole other realm, a realm of the kitchen I'm a bit intimidated by.

One of my favorite dishes is baked macaroni and cheese. Bubbly, creamy, perfectly cheesy noodles topped with a layer of crunchy bread crumbs is a thing of beauty.
My mother went out for lunch today with a friend, leaving me with seven kids and a father to feed. She suggested I make macaroni and cheese for the crowd, and because it's a dish I can't resist, I agreed. I'd watched Mom make it before -- but I'd never made it on my own. Watching her, though, effortlessly combining and stirring, it looked easy enough.

I entered the kitchen with confidence. I mean, how hard could it be? I preheated the oven, set a pot of water on the stove to boil, and poured milk in a pan. Things went downhill from there. While the butter was melting, I got preoccupied and only snapped back to reality when I smelled the rich aroma of butter just about to burn.
Then the cheese decided to clump up on me (because I used mozzarella accidentally. mozzarella melting in sauce=clumping.), which left me with a sauce of milk, flour, and butter with a glob of cheese. And then there was the mistake of using two pounds of noodles instead of one and not having the tomatoes the recipe called for. Let's just say I was close to tears by the time I slid the pans into the oven. It wasn't pretty.

But by some miracle -- or maybe it was the Lord having mercy -- the noodles were bubbly and creamy and delicious when the timer beeped. If only cooking could be as neat and perfect as it is on Food Network...but that's not real life. Real life is mess ups and accidents and things going wrong. I guess you could say my macaroni-and-cheese-making experience taught me more than just how to make a dish. Although, I'll have to muster up some courage before I attempt to cook something again. Ahem.

Enjoy, lovelies. And do yourself a favor by not using mozzarella cheese. Don't be like me. It's a bad idea. Trust me.

baked macaroni and cheese
adapted from ina garten's mac & cheese

ingredients
-1 pound elbow macaroni
-1 quart (four cups) milk
-8 tablespoons (one stick) unsalted butter, cubed
-1/2 cup all purpose flour
-12 ounces gruyere cheese, grated (4 cups)*
-8 ounces sharp cheddar, grated (2 cups)*
-freshly ground black pepper, to taste
-sea salt, to taste
-3/4 pound fresh tomatoes (4 small), optional
-1 1/2 cups fresh white bread crumbs (5 slices)

*feel free to subsitute with any cheese you'd like -- just be wary of mozzarella.

directions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add salt to boiling water and pour in macaroni. Cook according to package directions and drain well.
Meanwhile, heat the milk in a small saucepan, being sure not to boil it. Melt 6 tablespoons of butter in a large (4-quart) pot and add the flour. Cook over low heat for 2 minutes, stirring with a whisk. While whisking, add the hot milk and cook for a minute or two more, until thickened and smooth. Off the heat, add the Gruyere, Cheddar, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Add the cooked macaroni and stir well. Pour into a 3-quart baking dish.

Slice the tomatoes and arrange on top. Melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter, combine them with the fresh bread crumbs, and sprinkle on the top. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbly and the macaroni is browned on the top. Serve warm with extra grated cheese and a sprig of basil.

xoxo

love, me

2011-09-07T20:39:00.002-05:00

Dear blue skies,

your clear, cerulean loveliness never fails to reel me in. And when you're almost as blue as New Mexico skies...well, consider me a goner. This summer, Oklahoma weather had me begging for mercy -- I'm so glad it's been able to prove me wrong and put an end to my complaining. And fall fashions? I'm all over them.

Dear fall fashions,

After a long, hot summer, it makes me giddy to be able to wear chunky knit sweaters and boots. Stay awhile, why don't you?

p.s. I'm really loving all the stripes and colors for this fall.

Dear blog designing,
I guess you could say we have a love-hate relationship. You frustrate me sometimes, but creating something I'm completely happy with makes up for the frustrating feeling. (thoughts on the new design?)

Dear snail mail,
you make me so incredibly happy, as do sweet friends who send letters filled with all sorts of lovelies (aren't those bracelets she sent me just perfect?). I suppose my love for the postal service and hand written letters is one of the reasons for the format of this post ;)

Dear Germany,
I miss you. And my family there. A year ago today we had just arrived -- I can't believe so much time has already passed. I'll come back soon, promise.

Dear sunsets,
will you marry me?

Dear family,
I love you. Even if it does take twenty minutes to take a group shot;) Thank you so much for always putting up with me and loving me through everything. You're the best family a girl could ask for.

Dear resident monkey,
you're cute. Can I keep you?

Dear readers,
you're amazing. That is all.

Love,
Me

p.s. credit for this lovely idea goes to hannah; while I try to be original and come up with my own ideas as a blogger (although being original in blogging is really purely hypothetical, but that's beside the point ;)), but I loved this idea too much not to use it. hope you don't mind, hannah!

sunday afternoon

2011-09-05T18:18:00.004-05:00

updated my inspiration wall -- in love with madewell's newest catalog

Sunday afternoons are to a week as a few pats of butter are to a dish, essential and lovely and just downright perfect. Sweet, warm, fuzzy, glad-to-be-alive moments, induced by the bluest skies, swinging in the hammock, gardening, setting up a tent, beyond gorgeous weather, and good food. Slow, relaxing, and just the right amount of lazy, they have me wishing that every day was Sunday. But I must confess: now that school has begun, Sunday afternoons are slightly bittersweet, knowing that a busy week full of work and school lies ahead. On the other hand, this knowledge allows me not to take for granted the last fleeting moments of the weekend.

top: gap / shorts: jeans thrifted, cut into shorts by me / wedges: thrifted (keds) / belt: thrifted / scarf: forever 21 / watch: american eagle

my mama is so stylish.

In celebration of Labor Day, we set up a tent last night as the last rays of sunshine made the world take on a gloriously golden hue. We turned our shelter into a cozy haven, filled to the brim with blankets and pillows. Once the sky faded from soft violet to inky black, we watched a movie in the crisp night air. Wrapping blankets close, it felt as if fall had finally arrived -- temperatures dipped into the seventies during the day and fifties at night. I could get used to this.

And later, when I crawled into my sleeping bag, Lilly rolled over and wrapped her arms around me. As she drifted off to sleep, she whispered, "I love my sister so much." I held her for a long time after that, praying in the darkness, my heart overflowing with gratitude. It seems that so often I pray when I want something instead of thanking God for everything I already have. Leave it to a five year old to teach me the true meaning of gratefulness. And so I replayed moments in my head, thanking the Lord for all He's blessed me with. I thanked Him for my siblings, for the cooler weather, for amazing parents, for all the opportunities He's opened up for me. On and on I went, each thing like a drop of sweet nectar in my already full heart.

This weekend was summer's last hurrah. With a heart full of gratitude, it was everything I dreamed it would be, the quintessential coda to a summer whose memories will last a lifetime. Sunday afternoon, delivered.

What are you grateful for?

Happy Labor Day, friends.

-carlotta

p.s. vote for my friend emily -- she's entered a makeup contest and needs your help! just like 2nd love on facebook, then like this picture to keep her in first place!

friday at the ranch

2011-09-03T20:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes there are opportunities and events in life that seem too good to be true, coincidences that line up so perfectly they're really more divinely directed than chance. Yesterday was one of those events.

But before I get too ahead of myself, let me explain. Earlier this summer, I went to Worldview Academy. My roommate was a girl named Meg. Since June, Meg and I have grown closer and we're starting an exciting new collaboration (which will be announced later this week!) together. But not only is Meg an amazing friend, she and her family just so happen to be good friends with the Drummonds. Yes, as in Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman. I love how small Oklahoma circles are.

Making a long story short, I was invited to spend the day at The Lodge yesterday. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. To say I was in heaven (and pinching myself to see if this was real) would be a bit more accurate.

The Drummond's ranch is beyond gorgeous. Think grassy plains, faint mesa like hills in the background, with mustangs and cows dotting the country. I'm so used to being in the city all the time -- out there, with the wind gently sweeping down the vast amounts of land, it's so peaceful.

Ree is entirely too sweet. Even though I felt as if I already knew her by reading her blog, she's even more fun and likable in person. I laughed, hard, multiple times throughout the day. And it was so fun to see her in action, cooking and photographing. (does that sound creepy? it wasn't supposed to. promise.)

Words aren't coming easily to me at the moment -- I'm content to just soak in the sweet memories that were made. Some photos to say what I can't:

I took photos, lots of them. we went on a fun shoot in a barn. it was fun to say the least.

cinnamon rolls -- it's perfect using Ree's recipe for the first time under her expert guidance ;) and I thought about stealing her gorgeous dishes. good thing I didn't.

I love small worlds. And Oklahoma.

xoxo,
carlotta

p.s. thank you to Meg's mother for organizing this amazing day!

black currant banana bread

2011-08-31T19:20:00.001-05:00

Baking has never been a huge interest -- call me lazy, but I'd prefer to eat, thank you. The only time you'd find me whipping something up in the kitchen was when a craving struck. It wasn't until I began falling in love with the art of food photography that I realized if I wanted to photograph food, food had to be made -- and thus my journey into the realm of baking was born. It's a satisfying feeling, sifting and measuring and mixing seemingly unrelated basics to form something delicious, a feeling that's worth the flour everywhere and gooey bits of batter strewn about the counter.

Thursday mornings have been deemed as my baking day. I scour cookbooks and blogs through the week and enter the kitchen with a list of recipes. Three house later and a mess later -- unfortunately I'm not like chefs on Food Network that have everything perfectly organized and layed out, though I try, promise! -- timers ding and the smells in the kitchen make my stomach rumble. By the time lunch rolls around, I feel like a nineteen fifties housewife...except that statement is far from the truth.

Banana bread is one of those foods that evoke memories from long ago. I fondly recall running into the house following riding my bike around the neighborhood, and at all of six years old, the only thing on my mind was the smell of freshly baked banana bread wafting throughout the house. After waiting the five more minutes for the timer go off -- which felt more like five hours-- I snatched a slice, still steaming from the oven. It burned my mouth, yes, but it was the most delicious slice of banana bread I've ever had.

black currant banana bread
adapted from texas home cooking -- gingered banana bread
ingredients
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups mashed ripe bananas (approximately three bananas)
1/3 black currant jam (or other jam of your choice)
1/4 cup sour cream
3/4 teaspoon lemon or lime zest
3/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)

directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 5-by-9 1/2 inch loaf pan. Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt into a small bowl. Set aside.
With a mixer, cream the sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in mashed bananas, jam, sour cream, lemon or lime zest, and, if desired, chocolate chips. Spoon in the flour mixture about a third at a time, mixing until the batter is well combined. Pour batter into prepared pan; bake 60 to 65 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve warm.

This bread is perfectly moist and perfect for afternoon coffee, a party, or even breakfast. Even if you don't like bananas (and I'm not a huge fan), the flavor is cozy and comforting -- it almost made me wish it were cold and snowy outside. It brought back memories of childhood and our house in Texas and bike riding.

What's your take on baking?

Also, I got drawn! Is this not the coolest thing ever? I'm in love.

(see the post as well as two other bloggers drawn here)

-carlotta

looking forward

2011-08-29T19:30:00.002-05:00

Situated on a quilt outside, the soft breeze is currently rippling through the leaves and the smell of late summer is prominent in the air.

There's a bush in the yard that is currently yielding some sort of apples -- what kind, we're not sure yet, and we haven't been able to eat them, but I don't mind.
I'm writing with paper and pencil -- typing up the words is an extra step, but still worth it for the gratifying sound of pencil lead scratching against smooth, white paper.

It's Monday, but not just any Monday -- it's the first day of blogging since my rediscovery, the first day of a new style. Honestly, it's scary. It's a big commitment that I've taken up myself, to walk away from posts as I've known them in favor of something richer and different. At the same time, though, it's exciting to feel this mini revolution pulsing through my veins.

Today also marks the beginning of my last week of summer -- it's been one of the best summers of my life. I promised I would be more real in this new chapter, so here goes: I'm dreading the start of classes. It's not that I mind learning, it's just the stress that accompanies it I'm not looking forward to. This summer revealed the answer to what I want to do in life and I'm not ready to give up the job I had these past three months. Sure, there times I was stressed, but it seemed to be a good, real life kind of stress. School is the groundwork for a successful career, yes, but at times it seems a bit silly to slave over a paper that isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm not denying the fact that life past school will be difficult and may lack fun and I know this seems rather childish; please don't think I'm complaining,. This is just something that's been weighing heavily on my mind lately.

But I suppose these years will be over before I know it and suddenly I'll be plunged into the real world. This morning, instead of lamenting the end of summer, I sat down at my desk and compiled a list of things I'm looking forward to this fall.

Looking forward to:

the visit of my sister Alina

cooler weather, and consequently, chunky knit sweaters and jeans

my birthday -- actually, our family's birthday season in general

more time spent in the kitchen

the reveal of my exciting project (soon!)

the spicy smells, tastes, and colors of fall

roaring fires on crisp nights

a photoshoot with a friend (ballet themed, no less)

a trip down to my hometown in Texas

The list is taped on the wall next to my desk -- each time I look at it, it makes it a bit easier to let one season of life go and embrace the next.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

xoxo

p.s. the previous giveaway winner didn't respond, so the winner of any anklet from emily's shop is michaela. congratulations! please email me to claim your prize.

rediscovery

2011-08-27T17:14:00.001-05:00

It feels odd, honestly, to be typing in this space again. Though it's only been just over a week since I last blogged, it feels like an eternity ago. But I don't regret taking this time off -- on the contrary, it was just the thing I needed.

Among other things, one of the reasons for my break was to reevaluate who I am and how I want to be defined as a blogger. I'd reached a point where I needed to step back and sort everything out, and for that I needed time. It was as though I'd rammed straight into a brick wall, not able to go forward with what I'd been doing before, but having to go left or right with something different. Over the past few weeks, my posts seemed to all be the same -- give or take a few words, they'd morphed into variations of their successors. These posts could be summed up in three words: summer, farmer's markets, and weather, also known as the standard of every blogger. But I didn't want my blog to fit a standard mold. It was time for a change.

So pastor's girl's ponderings is growing, breaking out of its chrysalis and stretching its new wings, colorful and exciting and different. More photographs, stories, and recipes, less standard "life is lovely". While I'm not denying the fact that life is lovely, because it is, there are ugly, raw sides too. Life deserves a more descriptive, meaningful adjective than lovely. I'm tired of the saccharine flowers-and-sweetness approach; I aim to portray life more realistically. I've vowed to take more photographs, to write with passion, to capture this sliver of life at the moment the best I can.

While blogging, it's easy to get caught up in numbers. Watching the number of comments, followers, and stats quickly becomes an obsession until posts are dictated by the uncontrollable need to see the numbers rise. But that's not what blogging is about. Part of this rediscovery period I'm going through involves having good content I'm proud of, not just blogging to see the page views increase.

It's going to be hard. It's going to feel odd at first, until I settle into my own little niche. I'm going to want to give up. But it'll be worth it. It'll be oh, so worth it.

But now, after a few days off, I'm remembering just why I fell in love with blogging. Sculpting something beautiful using sentences and text makes me smile. And because pastor's girl's ponderings is reinvented, it makes me even happier and excited.

Little sister got glasses.

It's good to be back.

Happy Saturday, friends!

-carlotta

p.s. interested in sponsoring pastor's girl's ponderings? I'm now accepting for september! feel free to email me for details :)

back soon!

2011-08-18T19:58:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a little break from blogging for a few days -- I have a lot on my mind and a lot to figure out. My project 365 blog (which I've recently gotten back on track with) will still be updated, but pastor's girl's ponderings will be rather quiet. I'm going to miss you lovelies, but I hope I'll be back rejuvenated, refreshed, and with a clearer mind.

And just because I can't go without posting a few photos...

new bowls from anthropologie (I'm starting a collection ;)) // vintage globes are my favorite // lilly's new glasses.

xoxo

back to the basics

2011-08-16T20:01:00.002-05:00

Food fascinates me -- from fresh-from-the-garden vegetables to creamy raw milk, I'm a self proclaimed foodie. The making of what we eat has always interested me; I remember being seven and gazing up at a sign on how we get our milk in our local grocery store. But then there are other aspects of food -- like products that come from factories. Processed, altered, and injected until the list of ingredients no long resembles anything remotely edible, they still claim it's food. In actuality, it's just chemicals.

The food industry is rapidly declining -- it's changed more in the last fifty years than it has in the past ten thousand. Companies are willing to sacrifice quality and nutrition for quick and cheap. Animals are injected with hormones to quicken their growth and, in most cases, never see the light of day. They spend their life in their own waste, crammed together in pens, their only purpose in being alive to be slaughtered. Because of their diet and lack of exercise, the animals are weak and unhealthy. How the owners of these places can get past animal cruelty laws, I don't know, because this is downright inhumane. Corn is mass produced to sweeten just about everything through high fructose corn syrup, which is even worse for you than sugar. Vegetables are bland, colorless, and lacking nutrition. No wonder the cancer, obesity, and other the rate of other diet related health problems have soared.

The owners of huge food corporations have managed to pass laws that make it illegal to take pictures of their production line -- they're scared that what's really going into what we eat will be found out. I love the documentary Food, Inc, which delves into what exactly these factory owners don't want us to know.

So why are we buying our food from huge supermarkets? Because it's faster. Easier. Cheaper. But don't you think it'd be nice to know personally the local farmers that sell you your food? To know exactly where your vegetables come from? That's (one of the reasons) why I love the farmer's market. Healthier, often cheaper, and you know where your food is from -- that sounds good to me.

When we lived in St. Louis, my mother began researching and reinventing the way our family ate. We stopped buying ready made foods and went back to the basics. Butter -- lots of it -- was and is the key to all things good. (seriously, it's a superfood) We began drinking raw milk (we have the cutest little dairy that we go to; their milk and cheese are amazing) and were fortunate enough to have friends that sold us eggs from their chickens. My mother now grinds all her wheat for her bread, started a garden, and recently purchased half of an all natural, grass fed cow from a local farmer. The result? Healthier, more energized, more satisfied versions of ourselves. Yes, it may be more work in the beginning, but once a rhythm is established, it's easier and so worth it.

So say goodbye to processed, factory food and say hello to fresh, delicious, natural food -- because the journey to ending this forgery begins with us.

What are your thoughts on this matter? I'd so love to hear!

-carlotta

summer loving.

2011-08-13T15:56:00.003-05:00

Patchwork quilt? Check. Shady maple tree? Check. Labrador running about? Check. Mumford & Sons? Check. Laptop, camera, and a cool breeze blowing? Check, check, and check.

Sometimes a change of environment is just what's needed to get the creativity flowing -- hence my current setup in the backyard. I'm lying on my back, computer balanced on my legs, and the reflection of my red and white striped shirt is casting a bit of a Where's Waldo effect on my screen. Above me, the leafy tree juts out against the azure sky, the combination of vivid green and blue more beautiful than anything man made. This is the kind of summer I love, simple, sweet moments I will remember when unfolding memories like a comforting blanket.

Fridays are my favorite day of the week. They're sort of like the horns that are blown when a king enters the building -- the excitement and relief and anticipation that all come with heralding in the weekend.
Thursday night was an outdoor concert (country music is my favorite and old couples dancing the two step makes me die from cuteness overload) and Friday morning was some early morning gardening.
Or more like, my mother gardened and I photographed. The garden, while rather overgrown and unruly (why is that weeds are the only thing that grow in heat?), has yielded herbs and salad for much of the summer. I must confess I'm not the most patient person and, while it sounds lovely in theory, tending to plants it's not exactly my area of expertise. Which is why I'm thankful for a mother that has patience where I lack it. Now that it's cooled down, my fingers are crossed for some ruby red tomatoes -- from plant to mouth in two seconds, there's nothing more delicious. But for now, I'll settle for leafy green basil and sage.

Friday (and part of today) in photos:

a little sneak peek of a (very) exciting project I'm working on :)

Golden light, picnicing, frozen bananas (a must try), stripes, laughter, working on a super exciting project (which I'll reveal in a few weeks -- any guesses in the meantime?), beautiful weather...sounds good to me. And this morning, I slipped out of the house at the early hour of seven am and went down to the river for a shoot with a super sweet couple. There was a soft breeze and gorgeous light and I was in heaven; and because I'm a sentimental sap, I had to draw a heart on the beach. I know.

Eat an extra piece of chocolate, do a little shopping, take some pictures, treat yourself. Because if life is short, why not take advantage of these precious days? Happy weekend, y'all.

-carlotta

p.s. giveaway winners: the winner of any anklet from emily is ellyn.

the winner of the photos from olivia is mary ann.

congratulations, winners! please email me to claim your prize. note: if winners does not respond within forty eight hours, a new winner will be chosen.

miscellaneous ramblings.

2011-08-11T15:48:00.001-05:00

My grandmother sailed to New York City from her home in Chile in the nineteen thirties. With her parents, brother, and governess, they lived there and saw first hand its glamour and elite society. Everyone always elegant and well dressed -- hats, heels, and perfectly coiffed hair -- even during the depression. I'd give anything to go there just for a day.
And then when my grandmother moved with her mother (who was a journalist, interviewing all the stars in the thirties, forties, and fiftes from Frank Sinatra to Marilyn Monroe) to Hollywood a few years later -- that's another time I'd loved to have tagged along. I'm convinced I was born in the wrong era. But for now, I'm in 2011 and I'll make the best of it. After all, when I'm a grandmother, my grandchildren will ask what it was like to live now, with old fashioned things such as computers and television.

//

With no rain for three months, the weather has decided to make up for it now by four thunderstorms in thirty six hours. Oklahoma weather is madness, I tell you. And completely unpredictable. I'm not complaining though -- this morning it was a mere seventy one degrees. I broke out the skinny jeans. Me = happy girl.

//

jamie delaine || photographer from Hello Tomorrow on Vimeo.

I've been falling in love with videography lately. There's something about the combination of music and moving photographs that makes my heart so happy. And this promo video for Jamie made by Hello Tomorrow? Perfect. If only I had a better video camera...

//

Quesadillas have been my lifeblood lately. A lightly fried, crispy outer shell of tortillas and a creamy, warm filling of cheese (preferably Colby), served with jam. I have the art of making quesadillas down to a fine science -- three slices of cheese on a tortilla, the other slathered with butter. Place into a pan with butter and fry on medium heat until golden brown on each side. Delicious.

//

It's almost been a year since my trip to Paris. I miss it, y'all. I miss the adventure, the exploring, the culture. The next time I go back (and yes, there will most definitely be a next time), there's already a list formed of photographs I want to take and food I want to eat. I can't wait.

//

Just some Pinterest loves -- left to right: chevron wall, yellow + grey room, vintage camera display, and plastic spoon wreath.

//

Life lately:

baking, pretty light in spite of the storms, painting (MeMe's new hobby). Life is good.

Happy Thursday!

-carlotta

weekend mantra.

2011-08-08T16:32:00.002-05:00

The clouds formed pillars in the sky, varying in type and color. We were at the pool, splashing, reading, floating, and a soft rain began to fall. The sky grew darker, into a slate grey -- we packed up our things as the heavens opened and it began pouring, flooding the world with water. Laughing in relief and astonishment, we watched as rained for the first time in months, our prayers for the end to the drought answered. I must confess I ran into the yard dancing and spinning among the droplets, not caring that my clothes became plastered to my body or that water ran down my face. On the contrary, I embraced the feeling of cool water raining down on me.

My weekend mantra was "no computer". When I need to relax, I often open my laptop and do nothing, really, the hours pass. Over the past few weeks, I've realized this method isn't the best one. Shutting down my computer on Saturday morning, I anticipated a time of ignoring emails, not blogging, and focusing on real life.

It was still pouring outside when the lights suddenly flickered and the whole house fell silent. I smiled when I realized the power had gone out, reinforcing my no computer decision. Call me crazy, but I've always loved power outages. With no television, no internet, no air conditioning, everyone is driven outside and there's such a wonderful sense of community.
When we lived in St. Louis, a massive storm came through the summer I was ten, knocking out the power for five days. During that week, there were multiple cookouts a day to use up food and I fondly recall building forts with my friends using fallen trees and branches. We slept in the basement and spent our days outside -- it was one of my favorite times that summer.

Shortly after the power went out, I slipped to the sunroom with a book (a book I devoured from start to finish in less than a day) and my camera. Opening the door wide to the cool air and pouring rain, I curled up in a chair and read, the cat purring softly next to me.

We ate dinner by candlelight that night and I slept with my sisters in the basement, whispering stories in the darkness and giggling. Because I'm a wimp and didn't want to take a cold shower (you realize how much you rely on things when you don't have it), MeMe helped me wash my hair in the tub, both of us laughing at how pathetic I was.

We traveled to the state capitol (I fell in love with the colors inside the dome) this weekend and learned more about this state called Oklahoma.

On the way home, we drove through small towns along Route 66, stopping at a store specializing in soda. While I'm not a huge soda fan, I must admit I had fun photographing the bottles ;)

This weekend there were (delightful) early mornings -- I rose before sunrise and watched the world wake from slumber. The light was soft and delicate, gently illuminating the grass and flowers. All was quiet for the exception of some birds twittering and chirping in the trees.

I've always been fascinated by other cultures and their history. While sifting through my mother's fabric stash, I came across her Indian sari, acquired during her travels in India. It's a rich blue silk with the most beautiful embroidering along the edges.

Inspired by all the fabric, I did some needlework (that makes me sound like an old lady, doesn't it?), chevron of course.

And my art wall got a little makeover as well.

I didn't touch my computer again until over forty eight hours later to answer emails. It's funny, I was sad to get back on -- it's really true that a break from technology does a wonders to your creativity. I think I'll have the same mantra every weekend -- I'm already looking forward to the next one.

How was your weekend?

xoxo

p.s. I've been toying with creating a facebook page for pastor's girl's ponderings for months, but I'm not sure about it...thoughts?

a lovely little giveaway.

2011-08-06T11:04:00.001-05:00

This giveaway is now closed.

It's the weekend, and to celebrate, here's a little giveaway for you lovelies.

Emily has been a sponsor of pastor's girl's ponderings for the past few weeks -- she's super sweet and an all around lovely person. Her Etsy shop, The Jewelry Sheller, features the beautiful accessories she makes by. And today, she's giving away an anklet of the winner's choice, perfect for this last month of summer.

shop / blog

And because another giveaway is twice the fun (and two winners!), Olivia is giveaway away three 4x6 prints, including the one pictured above. Olivia's photography is gorgeous -- you don't want to miss out on this one!

shop / blog

Want to enter?

mandatory entry:

Comment on this post with your answer to this question: What is your favorite time of day?

When I can actually get my lazy self out of bed in time, I love early mornings...but golden hour can't be beat.

(one entry)

extra entries:

+ follow pastor's girl's ponderings via google friend connect (i.e., that little follower's gadget in the sidebar)

+ follow me on twitter and tweet about the giveaway (please include @pastorsgirl so I can track your tweet)

+ blog about the giveaway – be sure to leave the link in a comment!

+ follow emily's blog
+ follow olivia's blog

(please leave one comment per entry)

Giveaway will end on Wednesday, August 10th at 9:59pm and winner will be announced shortly afterwards.

Happy entering and good luck!

-carlotta

wednesday musings.

2011-08-03T22:45:00.001-05:00

Sometimes words gush out like a babbling creek swiftly running downstream -- other times it's more like gentle, slow moving cows in a pasture, just content with the way everything is. I'm more like the cows tonight, complacent and reflecting. Life is good, and all I'm happy just by soaking in these lazy summer days.

We had friends over for dinner tonight -- talking, dancing, eating, drinking, laughing away the night. I've always loved entertaining; it's a chance to get out the pretty dishes, cook, and motivation to clean the house (Lord knows my room needed it). I made watermelon limeade -- if you have a fifteen pound watermelon in the refrigerator, it needs to be used -- and it's my new summer drink. It's so simple to throw together, and, served over ice with a slice of lime balanced on the rim, pretty and fancy.

headscarf: thrifted // blouse: thrifted // shorts: cut by me -- jeans from old navy // belt: unknown // watch: american eagle
also, I promise I didn't cut my shorts unevenly...I was just standing weird ;)

Today I was all about staying cool (it got up to 115 degrees Farenheit today...one of the hottest days so far. I'm going to remember this for when it's ten below zero this winter.). I couldn't fathom not having my hair up -- hence the (messy) bun and headscarf. Paired with a lightweight blouse and some cutoffs and you have yourself a winner. Also. My blouse, scored for ninety nine cents (oh yes), has ruffles. And polka dots. And little buttons. I think I'm going to pass out.

Produce stands conjure up images of red and white striped tents next to fields on the side of the road, sweet juicy peaches in crates, and a summer breeze. While nothing can surpass farmer's markets, these make me heart go pitter-patter. Especially when they have mister fans and peaches.

Can't days always be like this?

-carlotta

p.s. any book recommendations? I'm always looking for something good to read and I've about depleted my list. advice would be lovely!

strawberries and summer skies.

2011-08-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

The sky wasn't quite blue or grey -- it was more of a soft violet, lighter in the west, darker in the east. I sat on the front step, the cement still warm, and studied the quiet world. The regal sycamores in the yard became mere silhouettes, their strong leafy branches jutting out against the night. I moved to the soft grass with Sarge, our Lab, laid comfortably next to me as the violet sky faded into indigo, bringing out the first stars. I stared up, marveling as more stars appeared, twinkling and shimmering in the velvety blackness. Simply spending time alone, without any distractions, seems to be a cure for anything, from soothing frazzled nerves to curing writer's block. I do some of my best thinking while outside, pondering life and philosophical questions, like trying to solve the mystery of why bagels have holes in them. Ahem.

While I love it, blogging is hard. There are the emails to deal with, the questions, feeling you need to post consistently, worrying about stats. This is my dream, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming.
This weekend, I simply took a break and focused on something else. Instead, I read (and read), spent time with friends and family, played cards, stayed up late, laughed, loved, and just lived. In a world that's built around technology, simply living is hard at times.

In the summer, every weekend is a three day weekend (or four or five or six or seven day for that matter). While the words Monday and weekend seem to be an oxymoron, today proved that the two can indeed live in unison. Yes, today was just an extension of Saturday and Sunday.

Today was thrifting. The rewarding feeling of finding a gem after digging through ordinary, boring rock makes me smile. And buying pillow cases just because you like the fabric, well, that's lovely too.

Today was blue skies, dotted with fluffy castles of cloud, the simplicity of kitchen utensils, and a turquoise typewriter, found while thrifting. I wish I could have taken that lovely home with me, but alas, the price was a bit too steep. Back to hunting I go.

Today was ice cream sundaes, tall glasses filled with the creamy confection and piled high with strawberries and fresh whipped cream.

My mother prepared, I photographed. I declared that I would hire a chef just to photograph his creations, until my brother scoffed and said it would be creepy. I must confess I agreed.

I promise it looked a bit less disheveled and more put together earlier in the day ;)

Today was lace braided into my hair. It may have to do with the fact that I started out my day by listening to my Frank Sinatra pandora station (anyone else they could live in the nineteen forties and fifties?), but I was feeling decidedly vintage today.

And now it's August. This summer has felt so very long but short at the same time. I'm looking forward to cooler temperatures and wriggling into jeans again, but right now, I wouldn't trade these summer skies and quiet days for anything. Everything seems to be falling into place again, leaving me content and full of life. This right here? It's my favorite part of summer.

How was your weekend?

-carlotta

tally marks

2011-07-30T11:59:00.001-05:00

When I was younger (read: seven), I'd always have a notebook open while listening to a new CD. The name of each song would get a line in the notebook and I'd rate the music with tally marks -- five for a good song, three for okay, and one for a bad song. If I were to apply that same method to yesterday, it'd have ten strokes. Any day that involves shopping, cheesecake, time relaxing at the pool, friends, and gorgeous light deserves lots of tally marks.

While I may not rate days with marks anymore, I still record them in my journal. Just a spiral bound notebook, it's a place where I can record my days and the happy things that make a day go from good to making me want to scream "I love life" from the rooftops. I don't want to take for granted these precious, fleeting moments. Flipping through my journal and looking at past entries allows me to reminisce and relive the moments again.
"Summer evenings are one of my very very very favorite things. Yes, they're hot, but there's such a wonderful sense of peace and lightheartedness as you talk to neighbors outside while little ones run through the sprinklers", I wrote a few days ago. There are other happy, favorite bits, like an inspiring piano lesson, curling up on my brother's bed early in the morning while talking, and fresh cinnamon rolls.

We're in a severe drought at the moment. Rain is rare, and even when the heavens decide to send down droplets, it's usually not more than a light drizzle that lasts for five minutes. The lack of rain pared with scorching heat has left plants parched, and the grass is speckled with more brown than green. Going into survival mode, the trees have already started losing their leaves. I don't want summer to end, but I confess I'll breathe a sigh of relief once the temperatures have lowered and rain has returned (not to mention fall will bring some exciting things, like my older sister Alina, who's visiting in September. Squee!).

But even though everything's a bit brown, the light has been swoon-worthy recently. It illuminates the tiniest details of everything and bathes the world in a soft, golden glow.
In the daily list of favorites in my journal, the light has been included. After all, to a photographer, light is everything.

Going to the pool has been another frequent activity -- I alternated between floating around in the (warm) water and playing with MeMe and Lilly yesterday. Lilly learned how to swim this summer and she reminds me of Curious George as she glides and slithers through the water like a fish. Eyes wide open, hair hanging suspended in the water, and cheeks puffed out, it's a sight that makes me want to get a disposable underwater camera to capture it.

And as for working out? Sore is a word that accurately sums it all up. But it's a good, accomplished, blissful kind of sore; it tells me that I'm getting stronger. It's been another thing I've chronicled in my journal, another happy thing.

Do you journal?

Happy weekend, friends!

-carlotta

p.s. guest posting over here!

small steps

2011-07-28T16:18:00.003-05:00

I've started working out every day this week. Before, exercising was a sporadic, whenever-I-think-of-it thing, but thanks to the Nike Training Club app, which is free and amazing, this may turn into something consistent (hold me accountable, y'all). Each time I want to give up, I visualize toned arms, a trim stomach, and keep on going. Bit by bit, I'm slowly advancing towards my goal. It's the small steps that ultimately end in a big accomplishment.

Yesterday I helped deliver food from the food pantry to some families who are down on their luck. The neighborhoods were full of homes with chipped, peeling paint, broken windows, and sagging roofs, a stark difference from the clean comfort I'm used to. We complained about the heat -- 112 degrees isn't exactly cool -- but we knew that when we got home, we'd be greeted by chilled air from the air conditioning. Some of these people didn't have that luxury. There is so much that they need and don't have; it made me wish I could do more than just bring food. But I suppose it's in small steps that they'll be able to get back on their feet.

The heat has demolished the tomato and squash plants, but the basil, sage, and arugula have thrived. Aromatic and fresh, there's truly nothing better than herbs from the garden.

In the blogging community, it's easy to become jealous of someone else's life, sometimes to the point of being completely consumed with wishing you had that person's life. But I'm striving to be content with what I do have. Even if life is quiet at the moment, I know it'll become a whirlwind in a few short weeks.

Yes, life hasn't been very exciting as of late, but that's okay. I'm learning to embrace the lazy summer days as much as a days of traveling and seeing new things. Items are slowly being checked off my to do list with Mumford & Sons pandora station in the background (pure brilliance) and I'm reveling in the little things like coffee alongside yogurt.

left: old glasses found while cleaning out my dresser (oh dear) right: pinning on my (real) inspiration board

After all, it's these little things that accomplish something big, no?

How are you spending the last few weeks of summer?

-carlotta

p.s. there are a few more spots left for august sponsorship! pastor's girl's ponderings is a wonderful place to advertise your shop/blog. email me if you're interested :)

summer favorites.

2011-07-25T19:22:00.002-05:00

It's nearing a month since my return from New Mexico and I miss it. In hindsight, living out of a suitcase, bugs, and dirt all seem so minor compared to the greatness of our trip. I miss the wide, wide open spaces, the brilliant cerulean skies, the time away from electronics, the closeness we had as a family. My traveling for the summer has come to a close, and while I'm glad to have a period of rest, I'm already itching to get going again. Traveling is in my blood; I love experiencing new things, seeing different landscape, and photographing along the way.

But I'm now home for the rest of summer and it has its perks as well. There's no sense in wishing for what can't come back -- I'm trying to focus on my favorite things here instead. After all, only a month remains of this glorious season; I may as well take advantage of it.

Favorites:

Experiencing the glory of cool, gentle rain. Yes, its duration was short, but it succeeded in dropping the temperature below 100 degrees for the first time in nearly a month. As I stepped outside, that delicious earthy smell of water hitting the hot pavement wafted to my nose and droplets splattered on me as I rejoiced.

necklace: store unknown (from germany) / shirt: target / skirt: forever 21 / shoes: target

All things nautical. This may not be anything new, but I've fallen even more deeply in love, if that's possible. I naturally gravitate toward stripes -- which probably explains why much of my wardrobe consists of the pattern. When I went for to Forever 21 for the first time a few weeks ago (how have I never been there before? I wanted everything.), my purchases were all nautical related. Nautical Anonymous, anyone?

Knitting. It may be sweltering outside, but it's never too early to start for fall and winter. Call me crazy, but I love it. I find the repetition soothing and it gives my hands something to do while watching movies. There's something so satisfying in wearing things you've made with your own hands -- and so I knit.

Food photography. It's something that's not quite so easy to do while traveling. In the past few months, it's grown from simply a hobby to a passion. I'm not sure what it is, but there's nothing I love more that styling and photographing food.

Writing. And not just writing with pixels on a screen, but real writing, with a pencil and a notebook. In these past few years, I've noticed that it's become harder for me to form words physically instead of on a screen. I've begun writing blog posts on the lines of a spiral bound notebook and then transferred it onto the computer. Yes, it may be more work, but it's worth it in the end.

Going on walks around the neighborhood in the evenings. I walked with MeMe last night; the air, slightly cooled, wasn't as oppressing as earlier in the day and the steady rhythm of our feet on the pavement was comforting as we talked. We stopped to pet the cat that always runs to greet us -- aptly nicknamed "the friendly cat" for obvious reasons -- and the cat's purrs mixed with the soft hum of the cicadas in the trees. Oh how I love summer evenings.

Doilies hung on the backdoor. I adore doilies -- they're so dainty and add a touch of pretty to otherwise ordinary spaces.

What are some favorites of yours at the moment?

Happy Monday!

-carlotta

p.s. guest posting over here today!

cheesecake bars

2011-07-23T21:49:00.001-05:00

I have an emotional attachment to certain dishes. Not in a creepy way, but in a sense that a flood of memories come back each time I eat these foods.

Like tortilla chips and ketchup, the latter in lieu of salsa. Weird? Perhaps. But it's something I've grown up with -- it evokes memories of sitting on the back porch in the hot Texas heat, the country music on the radio and the splash of water a backdrop to the make believe world my brother and I were shrouded it. It was different all the time -- sometimes it was store, other times it was house, and occasionally it was even Spider Man; he was Spidey, I was MJ.

Cheesecake is another one of those foods. On the Mother's Day when I was five, my mother made cheesecake. Before eating it, we went for a family bike ride in a nearby neighborhood. While pedaling along on the road, I was suddenly knocked off my bicycle by a pitbull. The dog worked its way from my upper arm to my neck, while my mother clung to my nearly two year old brother and my father tried to loosen the dog's grasp on me. I remember every detail of that day, down to my shirt, my favorite. It was white, with five multi-colored chicks (that is, baby chickens) across the front. (Thankfully, except for some bites and bruises, I was fine for the most part.) Now, each time I eat cheesecake, it's a juxtaposition of sweet and slightly bitter, remembering that day.

So far, this summer has been a myriad of lovely things -- vacations, lots of good books, stripes and coral toes, and some not-so-lovely heat. I don't mean to complain, but I don't think I've ever experienced anything this brutal. The heat index has been hovering around 110 degrees Fahrenheit for the past three weeks and it doesn't look like there will be a reprieve anytime soon. Iced beverages are always close at hand -- my choice of late has been, of course, lime infused ice water -- and the thought of eating warm dessert isn't exactly appealing.

I had a craving for cheesecake the other day; partly nostalgia induced, partly because it sounded delicious. While riffling through the binder that is home to miscellaneous recipes my mother has collected over the years, each piece of paper splattered with food stains, a sign of a well loved dish, I stumbled across a newspaper clipping. A recipe for cheesecake bars, it was the very same one my mother used to make all those years ago.

The butter and cream cheese went from the refrigerator to a plate outside in the sun to soften (who needs a microwave anyway?). The Kitchen Aid churned the ingredients together -- I tested the filling a bit more than necessary...ahem -- and everything went in the oven. As the aroma wafted throughout the house, I was reminded again of my childhood.

These cheesecake bars are incredible. My favorite way to eat them is with fresh sliced strawberries, but they would be delicious with anything. They're delicious for breakfast, too -- not that I would know anything about that.

Any favorite nostalgia-inducing recipes? Do tell!

cheesecake bars

(recipe for 8x8 pan; can be doubled and baked in a 9x13 pan)

ingredients

-- 5 tablespoons butter, softened

-- 1/3 cup brown sugar

-- 1 cup flour

-- 1/2 cup nuts, finely chopped

-- 1/2 cup granulated sugar

-- 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened

-- 1 egg

-- 2 tablespoons milk

-- 1 tablespoon lemon juice

-- 1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

make

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and brown sugar; add flour and nuts and mix. Set aside one cup of mixture for topping. Press remainder in bottom of an 8-inch square baking pan and bake 12 to 15 minutes. In a bowl, blend granulated sugar and cream cheese until smooth. Add egg, milk, lemon juice, and vanilla. Beat well. Spread over bottom crust and sprinkle with the reserved topping. Return to oven and bake for 25 minutes. Let cool, then chill and serve.

-carlotta